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If you can bridge thought from skid steers to corporate work, then you can quickly bridge to however you demonstrate value.
Skid steers, BTW, allow the operator to be up front to monitor the action and have the work done from the back end power unit using the mechanics of it all. Alan Weiss has done this with his ability to take on loads of work (crappy pun intended) in the field of consulting for customers that need him “where” they need him and not “when” they don’t.
Chris Brogan on being up front means to lead with what the customer wants to know. Simplify language. That’s a big part of it.
How can you be up front for your customers, while having the work be done by the power mechanism?
An example closer to Brogan’s than Weiss’ is keeping in mind the sales funnel. The key is to get people to the next step, not filter them out, needlessly. Make it easy for them by giving them what they want when they want it. But, no sooner.
Personally, I let rhetoric and persuasive language patterns do the heavy lifting for me. That way, all I have to do is create the content. Nothing sells itself.
I even find myself persuading myself to do things using patterns like the rhetorical figure anaphora. “Get there early and get online if you have to (in order to justify sitting there waiting)” is what I caught my self saying to myself this morning as I’m waiting to head out the door for an early morning coffee meeting.
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Just because you’re upfront with someone doesn’t mean you’re an honest person; you might just be someone in the passenger seat. -Brian Celio #analogy #reframe #counterfactual
I want to state upfront, unequivocally and without doubt: I do not believe that any racial, ethnic or gender group has an advantage in sound judging. I do believe that every person has an equal opportunity to be a good and wise judge, regardless of their background or life experiences. -Sonia Sotomayor #apophasis
Posted on 29th June 2010 by Jade Handy in Persuasion
I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it, again. “Read Driveby Dan Pink.” Hey, I realize I have posted about this book previously, once, twice, three times (2nd Drive), even. But, this video bares repeating. Watch it, at least. Throw some headphones in and learn something that will change the way you see yourself and those around you.
RSA Animate – Drive: The surprising truth about what motivates us
I watched this video this past weekend, but was reminded again, in my Google Reader feeds to write about it.
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Any man who can drive safely while kissing a pretty girl is simply not giving the kiss the attention it deserves. -Albert Einstein #counterfunctionalconditionalclause < not sure I wanted to hear that from Albert, but whatever…
Originally, we were talking about motivation, but now that we’re talking about “other” things,…
Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that. -Martin Luther King, Jr. #isocolon < what drives out idiots? (not MLKJ, by the way) (I mean I’m not talking “about” MLKJ) (I hope you get what I’m trying to say here) (whatever, you know what I mean)
What the hell, let’s jiggy random with it…
I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol. -Steven Wright #humorduh #snowclone
We herd sheep, we drive cattle, we lead people. Lead me, follow me, or get out of my way. -George S. Patton #anaphora #isocolon #ruleof3
The middle of the road is where the white line is – and that’s the worst place to drive. -Robert Frost #simpletruth #yesresponse
Not so random, after all. Would you believe these “random” quotes were all from one page of quotes? I didn’t until, like you, I do now. #youfigureitout
If you don’t fully grasp this concept, you’re falling behind. Falling for this belief will grab you by the tail.
Ever wonder why some people “have it” and some people don’t? That’s what I’m talking about.
Have you ever experienced the belief (either your own or others’) that if you’re not a “hit” or a “blockbuster” or hugely successful in the ”public eye” already that you either don’t have “it” or you must not be that good?
Pretend the belief of “they’re hits, so that must mean they’re good” is on the left “X” axis labeled popularity.
Now, imagine the skill sets and unique talents of you and other talented people are on the right “Y” axis labeled products. And, pretend the belief of “they aren’t hits, so they must not be good” is there, as well.
Now, sink into the paradox you’ve put yourself in…
See it? Where do you fit? In the chart, that is. Before you fully decide, read further.
#1, both of the beliefs mentioned above are fallacies of thought. Mine and yours, for those who need clarification on the lost performative in that statement.
Bang POW – look who’s creating WOW! Hereby released is the first edition of the State of Mind Coaching & Training’s Language Hacker Award! Exciting stuff. This award will be hand chosen by Jade Handy, himself.
Each week, we’ll be offering up a Language Hacker Award (or three) for those that have exhibited the expertise to exercise with excellence the exegesis of expression.
What it is is the best of what’s out there in terms of demonstrated understanding of persuasive communication amongst all contexts and industries. But, mainly what I’m into and who’s into what I’m into. Hahmana hahmana,what?… I know.
This week, we honor 3 language artists…
Sally Hogshead Even as the newest author on my bookshelf, your work in the persuasive arts has been unrivaled in it’s application crossover from marketing and advertising to everyday Joes, like myself. If you’re quest has been to entertain as well as teach, thank you.
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Mike Sansone Conversation conductor. Blog virtuoso. Your posts exemplify, in context, the application of persuasive language without speaking directly to it when you’re doing it. The resources that you proliferate proliferate persuasive language.
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Muse.DillFrog.com Yes. A faceless website can win the award. It’s a resource. I’m the creator and I create the categories, damn it. (insert GWB’s face) DillFrog wonderfully enables the compulsive obsessive language tracking activities in which I partake.
So, there you have it, the Language Hacker Award recipients on this day in history, June 27th, 2010
To place the award badge on your site, just copy the code below, then paste on yours
Welcome back to my Shop-Talk-Off-The-Clock Series Weekend Bender Edition of Comment Schmomment. It’s my take on blog posts that caught my attention recently. Enjoy this periodic un-comprehensive list of people I’m discovering and paying attention to.
Comment Schmomment is designed, specifically, for someone interested in perusing what I’m into. Surely, I can’t be the only one out there who is interested in what others have to say. ;)
Also, it’s a great way to re-purpose my obsessive compulsive habit of saving for the sake of saving my comments posted on others’ posts!
So true, Tim, so true. Who are these people that truely don’t care what people think? Outcasts. That’s who. Saying you don’t care what people think is mere posturing. And, a Catch 22. Saying it collapses it through the mere fact of saying it. BTW – nice short post. I need to work on this, myself. (#epanalepsis #hypophora #mindreading #autophasia #chiasmus #parenthesis #compliment)
I couldn’t agree more, Charles. We need to redefine what closing is. Always be closing has to mean always be pre-closing to discover what your next step should be. Most big ticket sales aren’t made at the closing table, anyway. They are made in the back room after Elvis has left the building.
Nowadays buyers are smarter and have learned to gather information and decide later. Therefore, salepeople have to learn how to package their communication so that you are at the top of their mental list and be able to plant your solution (if it’s the best for the customer) in their future discussion with the decision committee.
How do you do this? Well, you can start by learning more about persuasive language versus “closing techniques” so you can most effectively win. The next logical step is good.
While I don’t agree that you should never “close,” salespeople need to know when one will be what the customer needs in order to decide while preserving the relationship. Part of what works in place of closing is inoculating along the way.
This way the “close” is the logical (not discounting emotional conclusion) conclusion to the process of getting your product or service in the hands of qualified prospects and ongoing customers.
Is this a guest post for my site? If so, thanks! What I mean is I couldn’t have written a better post for branding/marketing if I tried. Not just because I don’t live in your world, but because the #analogy of bare-knuckle boxing fits perfectly. It’s the perfect bridge from selling face to face to understanding your customers’ nuances. So many times, companies try everything they can to remove the trainee from real live-fire training, but the truth is it’s the only way to learn how people react currently, learn a different way, and do it a different way. Kudos, Stephen!
Welcome back to my Friday Shout Out. On Fridays, I’ll be highlighting some of the Bloggers and Tweeters I enjoyed giving a hoot about. Whether I retweeted them or wrote them into a blog post, you can now follow those I re-sourced, re-purposed, and referenced.
First, from this site.
Steve Roesler has been at the top of my list this week as I am extending and adding to his take on Ten of Robert Cialdini’s 50 Ways You Can Be More Persuasive. For some reason I was inspired to expand on his briefs just because, and because there were only ten of them.
Now, on to my Google Reader Shared Items.
A big Shout Out to Drew McLellan for his Father’s Day post. I wished I had done a Father’s Day blog posting. I can totally relate. The video grabbed be by the heart strings. Thanks, Drew, for sharing. Really.
How about Learning to Listen from TheLinguist.blogs.com. This is no joke, you can learn and earn a degree with not much more than a set of headphones now-a-days. There’s virtually no excuse not to study up on something, anything during “downtime.” I have taken my own advice. I literally went several years without listening to the radio in my car. I only listened to audiobooks. If you want to know what I studied, read my blog posts. I have done you the favor of blogging about the best and tossing the rest.
Enantiosis from The Daily Trope. The who the what, huh? It’s like ‘what comes around goes around.’ Maybe it’d be more clear if I just said ‘white is the new black.’
And, last and certainly not least…tweets.
@dave_carpenter Best ethical sales people are great storytellers. Then there are the fibbers :(
@AngelaTenClay We totally did! Hilarious. RT @BeautyBlitz: Did Artest just thank his psychiatrist? Who else caught that?
@scott_er The infliction of cruelty with a good conscience is a delight to moralists – that is why they invented hell. – Bertrand Russell < #enantiosis in there somewhere < #rhyme, bang take that! < #onomatopoeia, you pickin’ up what I’m puttin’ down? < #enantiosis, coming full circle is half the battle
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Quotes that haven’t been repeated enough.
If somebody thinks they’re a hedgehog, presumably you just give ‘em a mirror and a few pictures of hedgehogs and tell them to sort it out for themselves. -Douglas Adams #doseofreality #conduplicatio
The time will come when it will disgust you to look in the mirror. -Rose F. Kennedy #wrongjustwrongonalllevelswrong
That’s enough mirror quotes. Let’s go somewhere else.
I seldom end up where I wanted to go, but almost always end up where I need to be. -Douglas Adams #contrast
We have normality. I repeat, we have normality. Anything you still can’t cope with is therefore your own problem. -Douglas Adams, again
In order to fly, all one must do is simply miss the ground. -Douglas Adams, yet again #simpletruth
He was a dreamer, a thinker, a speculative philosopher…, or as his wife would have it, an idiot. -Douglas Adams #paraprosdokian
Why am I jumping around like this?
I refuse to answer that on the grounds that I don’t know the answer. -Douglas Adams #reformcliche
Or, refer back to the previous quote “I seldom end up…”
I love deadlines. I like the whoooshing sound they make as they fly by. -Douglas Adams #onomatopoeia
For a moment, nothing happened. Then, after a second or so, nothing continued to happen. -Douglas Adams #justplainsilly
Couldn’t have said it better myself! Stick around, folks. I’ll be here all week.
Again, this post inspired by Steve Roesler’s post Ten Ways You Can Be More Persuasive. 2. Mirroring – People respect, like, and are most easily influenced by people who they perceive to be similar to themselves (see Social Proof above). So one way to influence someone is to mirror them. Mirror their speech and their actions. If you verbalize back to someone something they have said and in the same words, you instantly become more influential. The same thing applies to posture and actions. If you want to influence Mike, then you need to act like Mike. If he is leaning back in his chair, then you would be wise to do the same.
Here’s my take on this:
When in Rome…? Ever heard of it? Not only that, but this concept of mirroring verbal and non-verbal aspects of others has really only been around since the ’70s. Mirroring body language, especially, has been popularized by proponents of NLP, neuro-lingustic programming. It’s now so mainstream -how mainstream is it, Jade? – it’s now so mainstream, salmon are spawning in it. That’s mainstream!
But, seriously, while mirroring and matching has been going on since the beginning of mankind, the thought of using it purposefully in interpersonal relationships and, in particular, persuasive communication, has been a somewhat more elusive application of social proof. But, what’s obvious is how this occurs in everyday interactions, whether or not it’s characters, us, are consciously away of it, or not.
Think about it, how many times can you think of, just recently alone, where you and a friend are having a conversation and mathcing each other in some way. Holding the same posture? Or, changing posture synchronously, like a dance? Exchanging the same descriptive words? Speaking at the same rate of speed? Exactly. Often, huh.
Can you think of a time, recently, where you purposely matched someone in order to take on their emotion? Now, that’s conscious use of mirroring.
But, this concept goes waaaaaayyyy beyond verbal and non-verbal communication. It’s application can be felt in nearly every area of communication. Whether it be advertising (customer criteria, keywords, words that sell,) sales (pacing,) marketing (aligning,) interdepartmental (global initiatives,) interpersonal (rapport,) job search (interviewing skills,) corporate communications (integrating best practices,) politics (with commonplaces,) you can be rest assured, someone is trying to match up with their audience in order to more powerfully persuade.
Again, when in Rome, do as the Romans do. Back in the day, barbaric as they were, this advice, no doubt, was much more than a suggestion.
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If somebody thinks they’re a hedgehog, presumably you just give ‘em a mirror and a few pictures of hedgehogs and tell them to sort it out for themselves. -Douglas Adams #doseofreality #conduplicatio
The time will come when it will disgust you to look in the mirror. -Rose F. Kennedy #wrongjustwrongonalllevelswrong
That’s enough mirror quotes. Let’s go somewhere else.
I seldom end up where I wanted to go, but almost always end up where I need to be. -Douglas Adams #contrast
We have normality. I repeat, we have normality. Anything you still can’t cope with is therefore your own problem. -Douglas Adams, again
In order to fly, all one must do is simply miss the ground. -Douglas Adams, yet again #simpletruth
He was a dreamer, a thinker, a speculative philosopher…, or as his wife would have it, an idiot. -Douglas Adams #paraprosdokian
Why am I jumping around like this?
I refuse to answer that on the grounds that I don’t know the answer. -Douglas Adams #reformcliche
Or, refer back to the previous quote “I seldom end up…”
I love deadlines. I like the whoooshing sound they make as they fly by. -Douglas Adams #onomatopoeia
For a moment, nothing happened. Then, after a second or so, nothing continued to happen. -Douglas Adams #justplainsilly
Couldn’t have said it better myself! Stick around, folks. I’ll be here all week.
Again, this post inspired by Steve Roesler’s post Ten Ways You Can Be More Persuasive. 2. Mirroring – People respect, like, and are most easily influenced by people who they perceive to be similar to themselves (see Social Proof above). So one way to influence someone is to mirror them. Mirror their speech and their actions. If you verbalize back to someone something they have said and in the same words, you instantly become more influential. The same thing applies to posture and actions. If you want to influence Mike, then you need to act like Mike. If he is leaning back in his chair, then you would be wise to do the same.
Here’s my take on this:
This is really so old hat, I can’t believe I’m actually even writing about it, but anything for my readers. If you haven’t learned this one by now, I don’t know how to respond. Virtually every sales, persuasion, and relationship expert out there of all kinds has touched on this, so I guess, now’s my turn.
I’ll start by telling you my favorite story about my experience with personal influence. And, then build on it.
Waaaaaaaayyyyy back in the day, I graduated high school. I moved out to San Diego, California. No, not for the military. I don’t know why everyone asks me if that’s the impetus, but it’s not. Anyway, that’s a story in and of itself.
Shortly after arriving in San Diego, I read Unlimited Power : The New Science Of Personal Achievement
by Anthony Robbins (link is an Amazon Affiliate link.) It was my second “self-help” book. He’s probably going to roll over in his grave when he reads “self-help” (not to mention he’s not dead! Far from it.) Anyway, I read the book, was awestruck, and immediately wanted to go out and test what I had been reading in it about mirroring body language and creating rapport. So I did.
Family Fitness Centers was still around back then. It’s since been bought by 24/7 Fitness. I applied for a job. At the time, I was built like a brick s***house, so I figured I was qualified to teach others. Plus, I had read Arnold Schwarzenegger’s Encyclopedia of Modern Bodybuilding (Pelham Practical Sports)(link is an Amazon Affiliate link,) so I was definitely educated on the subject of fitness and health (read sarcasm here.)
I talked myself into an interview with then manager, Angela. Angela was the local proprietor’s daughter. Anyway, during the interview, I was going over-the-top mirroring and matching Angela’s body posture and movements. I really thought I was being so obvious that she was going to stop the interview and kick me out and not get the job. She’d cross her arms, I’d cross mine. I’d uncross mine, she’d uncross hers. She’d touch her nose, I’d touch mine ad infinitum, ad nauseam, add you get the picture. The “dance.”
As expected, I got the job. Jade Handy, fitness consultant. Or, whatever the job position was, officially.
I thought I had arrived. This stuff really works. Mirroring and matching, that is. Not to mention I was from Iowa and extremely good looking (read big-headed,) which does help. I was sold on this stuff. But wait, there’s more. Stick around (#dirimens copulatio - remember, this is a blog on rhetoric and persuasion.)
Weeks or months later, I don’t remember, Angela took me aside and told me she didn’t know exactly why she had hired me. No, she wasn’t about to fire me. Far from it. She went on to tell me that her mother, Ann, had told her to not interview me for the job. They weren’t hiring, and specifically to NOT hire me! My mouth dropped, inside as I was listening to her. I remember thinking, “wholly s***! This stuff really works!”
Now, everyone knows about this mirroring and matching thing. But it doesn’t stop it from happening. It’s a completely natural sign of people in rapport. And, mirroring isn’t the only path to rapport, sometimes a compliment gets just as much mileage. So, if you see me doing it, notice when you’re doing it, as well. And, now you know something about me and something about how you can use it to your advantage, so go to it!
I had a lot of fun working with John Candy. We had a pretty good rapport. -Harold Ramis #tautology
I think there’s a natural chemistry between us as friends; and there’s really no separation between the rapport that we feel when we’re in conversation and when we’re playing music, it’s one in the same. -Benny Green #repeater
We still have that same burn, to get that same kind of laughs. So whether the studio wants us to or not, we’re going to do it. The money is just a byproduct of coming out with good stuff. Our whole thing is building that rapport with the audience. -Shawn Wayans
Football isn’t a contact sport; it’s a collision sport. Dancing is a contact sport. -Vince Lombardi #alloiosis
Dancing’s just a conversation between two people. Talk to me. -Steven Rogers, “Hope Floats” #simile #analogy
In conversation as in dance, each is the mirror of other. -Author Unknown #simile #analogy P.S. I don’t know Bo Didley, either
Inspired by Steve Roesler’s post Ten Ways You Can Be More Persuasive1. Social Proof – When the course of action is not clear, people look to others for guidance (even though they will deny that fact). Put more simply, people tend to do what other people similar to them do. This behavior is programmed into our genes and is well established. Social proof is more influential when we are observing others we perceive to be similar to us. So if you are trying to sell someone on something, be it an idea or a product, a powerful method is to show how others similar to them have already bought into it.
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Here’s my take on this:
This is the whole thing behind celebrity endorsements, sports team sponsorships and event sponsorships have social proof at it’s core. The late Mark McCormack’s International Marketing Group, and other knock offs since it’s success, have created billion-dollar enterprises from social proof through sports marketing and athlete agency. Tiger Woods, alone, is rumored to have been bringing in half a billion through his agency and likeness! But, you needn’t be a big time athlete or an athlete at all for that matter.
Top salespeople employ this effectively by using references to their brand recognition and references of customers, past and present. Even though prospective clients know they aren’t going to receive any bad references, it still is effective.
Classic conditioning is classical conditioning regardless of the context. The psychological mechanism behind social proof is neurological, but it’s application is not. Therefore, people not employed in sales still use this when trying to persuade by name-dropping personal contacts in addition to past associations, projects and accomplishments. For some reason, exhibiting a positive track record bodes well for tooting your own horn.
A big part of why this works is partly the wanting to be like others, but I believe a bigger partner in social proof’s effectiveness is how the specimen and the speaker get associated to each other, naturally. As you bring up certain references to shall we call them “hot buttons,” benefits, or celebrities, this elicits a positive reaction and emotional state in the listener and then gets associated to you.
It can, also, be used to set expectations. Trainers use this, effectively, by talking about past classes’ or audiences’ positive and negative attributes. The positive experiences. It sets the tone by setting the expectations. e.g. “This is by far the best class yet.” and “A small group from the last class left early…and got fired as a result.” Talk about striking fear in the hearts and minds of the listeners.” Do you think they’re going to be more punctual? You bet they are!
This can also work against an initiative, as well. Most people get the celebrity benefit by now. The tougher one for people and organizations to grasp, it seems, is the dark side of this. It’s very elusive, yet obvious when you do grasp it.
Remember when you were in school. If you noticed other students were getting away with not showing their work on paper for their math problems, how long would you continue? Not long, I’m guessing. Think of it this way, if you learned your coworkers were getting away with fudging their performance numbers, how long would you? If you saw a sign up that said the cafeteria was losing 400 utensils every year, how motivated would you be to making sure you returned yours to the proper receptacle instead of using them at your desk indefinitely? Right.
So, two lessons, so far, that will help you benefit, personally, from social proof. #1 associate yourself with “hot buttons” and other things held in high esteem by your listener, and #2, don’t ‘give people an out’ by planting thoughts of what you don’t want to happen.
Bonus Material: People who take advantage of this situation are wolves in sheep’s clothing calling wolf. Mixing my metaphors, gotta love it, even if some say I shouldn’t.
Social proof is extremely important to understand when dealing with crisis communication, too, btw. People, when exposed to an Ick Factor of something of the ugliest kind, say false accusations of harassment, spread like wildfire. Nobody wants to be associated with the situation. Why? They don’t want those feelings associated with their name or likeness. Warranted or not. Real or not. Contrary to what you know about the person, or not. It’s almost a visceral reaction. Ewwwww.
Studies show the fewer people who come to someone’s protection or rescue, the fewer people will. Conversely, the more people who jump in and help, more will follow. This example, more than anything, should prove that it’s not the reality of the situation, but the psychological mechanism behind it all.
Sometime in 2010, I’ll release my white paper on my dealings with crisis communication. It’s a real page turner due to the fact it’s based on real situations with my clients dealing with the wreckage and aftermath rooted mostly in social proof.
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RT @_Archie Be fearful when others are greedy, and be greedy when others are fearful:Warren Buffett < do due diligence
Be observant when others are crowding, and be involved when others are on sidelines. -Jade Handy
Welcome to my Shop-Talk-Off-The-Clock Series Weekend Bender Edition of Comment Schmomment. It’s my take on blog posts that caught my attention this past week. Enjoy this periodic un-comprehensive list of people I’m discovering and paying attention to.
When deciding whether or not to do this type of a post, I figured, what the heck, someone might be interested in perusing what I’m into. Surely, I can’t be the only one out there who is interested in what others have to say. ;)
Also, my coach told me I couldn’t save for the sake of saving my comments posted on others’ posts any longer, so I had to re-purpose my obsessive compulsiveness!
Nice work. Some call this pre-framing. Others would call it a cognitive qualifier. Yet others will call it pacing. I like your label, “Pre-Apology Approach.” It’s much more specific and a great mnemonic device for itself. And, it sure beats calling it the “I’m-sorry-you’ve-even-got-to-bother-with-all-of-this-stuff-it-must-be-a-real-pain-in-the-neck” strategy! What a parasynthesis-in-the-behind that would be! Not to mention it is a great strategy in and of itself. It’s hard to disagree with someone after you have, in essence, agreed with their current thoughts.
Another great blog post. I have referenced your work before, and I’m sure I will yet again. One thing about this metaphor, it’s not going out of style anytime soon. I think it’s great how you talk about both sides of the table. Your level of disclosure astounds me as you know you’ll be in front of people who have read this post. 7 Habits was my first self-improvement book, so I’m partial to posts referencing it, as well!
Mark’s Reply: Thanks, Jade. 7 Habits is the most influential business book I’ve read. You’ll see 3-4 posts in the near future coming from it. Already planned.
@wadders77 de-clouds cloud “compuking” & hits a home run with his delivery! UnFreaking believable use of nesting information when he circles back around to previous points using visual, auditory, and I’m sure the feeling in the audience was awe! Thanks for sharing this!
Great use of contrast. I especially like how you tied them together using rhetorical repeater patterns to mark them out. Most speakers and everyday communicators, for that matter, just aren’t using these patterns to amplifiy their message. Nice work!
Dragon Naturally Speaking is the bomb. I have it on my Sony Vaio and my iPad. I use it to speak to my blog. I speak differently than I write, so this is a great tool. If only it could do the editing for me!
If it’s good enough for the Greek, it’s good enough for us speaker geeks. This sing-song sound “like a Valley Girl attempt to advance the narrative: “So then I said he should leave. So he did…” can be labeled several different ways. Either way, it’s as valuable and relevant today as it was back in the ancient Greek times when they were writing about it being used. I tend to look at its use from a useful or practical perspective. Sometimes it’s useful, and sometimes it’s practical, but rarely both.
I like your advice on fonts, but I Love your advice on utilizing what would be a distraction and commenting on it in order to create a “we” moment with the audience. Taking this a step further and cracking a joke about it is even better. Makes you human and makes you a better communicator, stage or no stage.
Q – Jade, it seems as if you are always repeating yourself.
A – No doubt. No doubt it does. And, it could be that I am.
Q – Are you?
A – Absolutely…well, not all the time. No.
Q – But, aren’t your last two answers repeaters?
A – Yes. Yes they are.
Q – Why do you do this?
A – Other than because I’m obsessively compulsive about repeater patterns? Well, let’s see, I have found them to be very persuasive in persuasive communications of all types. Advertising, sales, marketing, interdepartmental, interpersonal, interestingly, in just about every area that I observe and hear.
Q – You said, “interpersonal.” What are some examples of that?
A – Other than you having just repeating “interpersonal?” Let’s just take that, for instance, for a moment. One of the things I have noticed that salespeople do is repeat back the last word or phrase to their prospect in order to get them to open up more during the sales conversation. It’s very effective. I’m not a psychologist, so I don’t know the psychological reason for this, but I can tell you it’s definitely a pattern and an effective one at that.
Another thing it does is reconfirms that the target person said it in the first place. Whether it was said just previous or days or weeks or months ago, it can be used to take the target person back to that moment and recapture what they were thinking at the moment and refresh their memory, if you will, about the all the thinking that went into it.
And, yet another purpose is that it ties them to it. And, when you do it gracefully, it is received well. It’s hard to disagree with what you said. In other words, it’s hard to disagree with your own ideas when you’re faced with them. After all, they’re their ideas! The need to stay consistent with what they’ve said previously weighs heavily.
Similar to the way a high performing person opens up a follow up call or appointment with, “…you said the other day you were looking to improve your processes, what did you mean by that?”
Another example is when you opened this question with “You said, ‘interpersonal?’”
So, I would highly advise someone to use it in very personal relationships, also. Not only in the courting phase, but all phases of your relationship. Imagine coming home from a rough day of work and opening the door with “I love you.” Since it’s true and you left for work that morning saying it, it’s a great opening. Or, another example is “when you said the other day in passing that you were hungry for ice cream are you still hungry for a nice cold heaping helping of ice cream. You screamed, I scream, we all scream for ice cream. What do you say?”
I’m going to go get me some!
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A best-seller was a book which somehow sold well because it was selling well. -Daniel J. Boorstin #conduplicatio
Welcome to my Friday Shout Out. On Friday’s, I’ll be highlighting some of the Bloggers and Tweeters I enjoyed giving a hoot about. Whether I retweeted them or wrote them into a blog post, you can now follow those I re-sourced, re-purposed, and referenced.
The Grice Club was referenced for Post hoc ergo propter hoc in Thats Not a Good Thing. And, for good reason. That’s a inside joke as the blog posts a lot of courtroom rhetorical examples. I have since added it to my Google Reader and will sleep much better knowing it’s there. (that’s a joke, BTW)
In Twitter, I put a lot of gusto behind @ketelsen from GardenGrunt.com for her most insightful and unintentionally enlightening post about landscaping that transfered beautifully into a near-proverb about building a path where you have already beaten a path. Something most people are still in the dark about, frankly. Profound, really.
I retweeted @dave_carpenter who, also, blogs at his namesake. For Pete’s sake, check it out, already.
Thanks to @bigwags from ownyourbrand.com for retweeting “There is no saying without a double meaning. -African proverb”
I have been wanting for some time to write about being trapped by our own successes, but just haven’t been inspired to do so, until now. Now that’s a message in a message about this message, BTW.
The reason for this message is that I have a friend, a dear friend, who just can’t seem to get locked into a relationship with someone. Or, maybe it’s the other way around. I don’t really know, I’m not a psychologist. But, what I do know from listening to his story time after time is that he was a victim of his own success.
Maybe you’re thinking, “Jade, usually you’re a genius, but I’m not following you on this one.” Yet. What I’m saying is, not unlike the stories or movies you know of that match this particular situation, but very personal stories. Sometimes we get trapped when our actions get rewarded because it tricks us into thinking what we did will work every time.
So my friend, John, right? Everyone uses “John.” Not sure why. John is a generic name for guy, I guess. And, this isn’t one of those stories where I’m telling a “my friend John” story and it’s actually me. It’s not.
My friend John has told me several times about meeting a girl (quite a few years ago, now) and hitting it off right away. He captured her attention with his passionate story about his…work. Yes, his work. He was so excited about what he was doing at the time that he could tell she was lit up by his passion and it drew her in.
The problem is they are NOT together any longer (wasn’t that long to begin with,) and ever since, he thinks his passionate talk about the work he was doing at the time is still what draws women in. Now, keep in mind, he’s not in that line of work anymore, either. See the problem? If not, look closer.
He hasn’t recognized that what he’s doing isn’t working, but since it worked once… once, he made it a permanent part of his whole strategy. How many of us are doing similar things in our relationships? Work relationships? Customer relationships? I don’t mean the personal relationship part, but the insanity part.
Notice what’s working and not working and adjust. Do something different! Anything else has a better chance of succeeding.
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The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. -Multi-attributed to Benjamin Franklin, Mark Twain, Albert Einstein, and Mae Brown in 1983!
“C.J. on your tombstore, its going to read, Post Hoc, Ergo Propter Hoc.” … “…It means,” the President lectures, “one thing follows the other therefore it was caused by the other. But it’s not always true in fact it’s hardly ever true.” - TV ShowThe West Wing
Mike makes an important point. And, it’s not as much “tell your backstory,” but be congruent while you do. For example, in Mike’s post, he is telling his backstory while advising you do the same. In other words, it’s not just an example that he’s using.
And, And, there’s an even deeper back story if you know him like I do. And that is, he has been a preacher previous to being a conversation conductor in the world wide blogosphere. Not only that, but he also has a baseball coach background. Any and all of this also presupposes tons of practices and leading practices.
So, there you have it. The backstory behind the backstory behind the backstory. Now that’s a message in a message about this message, BTW.
It’s not necessarily a rule of writing, just a suggestion. It’s similar to my Swing a Dead Cat post where I load it up with examples of what I’m talking about.
He’s a preacher practicing what he preaches, and it’s a post with an example of baseball which entails a lot of practice. So, he’s practicing what he preaches while he preaches it. And, not only is the post revealing his personal backstory of his love for baseball, but he’s a preacher and a former coach that ran lots of practices.
If I sounds as if I’m repeating myself, I am. Hence the picture.
But do you have to be a preacher or someone who practices in order to utilize the learnings of this post and that? Kind of a trick question, isn’t it? We all practice something. It’s just a matter of what? Maybe it’s been not practicing what you preach?
What happens when you practice what you preach? Yes, you notice a better result. And part of this is because your listeners hear, see and feel it as a congruent message. So, how can you send a clear message to the people you’re sending a message to by this concept of practicing what you preach?
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“It’s always easier to fight for your principles than to live up to them.” -Adlai Stevenson #diazeugma
Do what you say, say what you do. -Unknown #antimetabole
Why do I say this? Because it’s true. We all know people who use Twitter to follow other people, we all know people who only read blogs. We may know someone who uses Twitter to broadcast or engage in conversations, we may know of someone who uses blogs to broadcast or engage in conversations.
But, think about those you know who blog or just those bloggers you follow (another chiasmus, BTW.) I bet they are much more developed as leaders in their fields. Not because they are richer, better looking or “other-wise,” but because they are better able to express their intelligence in writing. They are closer to demonstrating what Alan Weiss calls “intellectual firepower.”
Or maybe not even “better able,” but just do! They put it out there.
Not just “them” writing, but you, become a better leader or developed in your knowledge by reading them, as well. You may find blogging yourself does it for you. Wouldn’t you agree? (FYI – the chances of you disagreeing with me saying you’re a becoming a better leader or more developed in your field is slim. You know why? Because if you read my blog, you’re on the cutting edge of your group of friends. And, like having a sense of humor, no one denies having that.)
The truth is You Can’t Fake Blogging. With a ”.” at the end.
Blogging, while getting easier the more you do it, takes content and purpose and discipline in order to keep it up. In order to build it out into something readable and useful, you have to get your thoughts out of your head and into the blogosphere. They used to say ‘get your thoughts out on paper,’ but only hardcore pen and paper enthusiasts do that anymore, I reckon.
And, even if you’re just blogging other people’s information (not so different from retweeting) and just grabbing small pieces of information and repacking it and repurposing it for your blog, you’re still telling something about yourself as a person and revealing quite a bit more than Twitter.
I remember doing my Icebreaker speech at Toastmasters. I did it utilizing The Back of the Napkin by Dan Roam. The instructions for the Icebraker project didn’t grab my attention and I was so excited to do otherwise, that I forgot to talk about myself because I wasn’t needing to talk about myself .
Luckily, a fellow Toastmaster wasn’t stumped by my lack of following directions and did a phenomenal job of thinking on the fly and utilizing how and what I was talking about, my style, and the kind of person I must be to have chosen that as a topic. He, also, picked up on how I presented it with no notes, a white board, etc. These are the things he was able to talk about in spite of myself. This is not unlike blogging, you see.
Just doing it leaves more clues about a person than 140 characters. A riff off “success leaves clues,” you see.
If a man will begin with certainties, he shall end in doubts; but if he will be content to begin with doubts, he shall end in certainty. -Francis Bacon
Failure is the foundation of success; success is the lurking place of failure. -Laozi
Fear cannot be without some hope nor hope without some fear. -Baruch Spinoza
Those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter don’t mind. -Bernard Baruch
Action may not always bring happiness … but there is no happiness without action. -Benjamin Disraeli
Painting is poetry that is seen rather than felt, and poetry is painting that is felt rather than seen. -Leonardo da Vinci
Charm is a woman’s strength just as strength is a man’s charm. -Havelock Ellis
Natural ability without education has more often raised a man to glory and virtue than education without natural ability. -Cicero
The superior man is easy to serve, but difficult to please … The inferior man is difficult to serve, but easy to please. -Confucius
Second language learners recall native language when reading, brain research suggests. They confuse sounds and utterances of the new language with words from their native language.
You’re kidding! I just hope taxpayers aren’t paying for study of common sense…again!
Now for something usable. English language learners recall like-sounding language when reading, common sense suggests. Again, no kidding. Ever heard of a homonym? I thought so.
I have been asked several times why I’m writing down homonyms, homophones, homographs and homonymic puns. Part of the reason is I’m addicted to it. Part of the reason is it’s useful to do so in that it assists in the cortical pathways in the brain and creates new faster pathways. It’s a long way of saying it makes my mind work faster which helps when trying to get to certain information faster, especially when I’m communicating.
I use homonymic-type language for fun, as well. So do most comedians, btw. And, not just on Laffy Taffy.
Even when my children were as young as 4, I started pointing out homonymic-type language in the children’s books we read. Soon, they were noticing my sense of humor even when I wasn’t being so obvious about it.
On a more serious note, I often use homonyms and the like when disciplining my children, as well. I use them to hide commands and instructions so they don’t resist consciously …as much. E.g. “you sit down on your seat.” “Oh Billy, where’s your shoes.” Get it seat/seat and where’s/wears. Sneaky, huh. I only wished my dog was smart enough to use this with her.
When working with coaching clients, I do the same thing. But, hopefully they already have their shoes on so I don’t have to pull out that one.
Advertisers use this, as well. Or, better. But, surely they aren’t trying to influence behavior by getting their audience into buying the products they peddle. By now, people have surely caught onto this practice and inoculated themselves against it. Or not.
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I think I’ve said enough in this post, already. -Jade Handy
Just in case you weren’t paying attention: Persuasion language learners will appreciate the following. In the sentence,
“Advertisers use this, as well. Or, better. But, surely they aren’t trying to influence behavior by getting their audience into buying the products they peddle. By now, people have surely caught onto this practice and inoculated themselves against it. Or not.”
I snuck in these persuasive language patterns.
-command “advertisers, use this”
-homonymic/phonological; as well (also/just as effectively)
-homonymic/phonological; or better (more effectively/modal operator of necessity)
-”but” pattern for dissing former statement; meaning they aren’t better than me
-innuendo; “surely they aren’t”
-homonymic/phonological; “by” “getting their audience” “into buying” “by now”
-alliteration; products they peddle
-exaggeration of unlikeliness due to lack of awareness or training “surely…caught on”
-scope-type ambiguity “have surely”(caught on and inoculated/caught on, only)
-exaggeration of unlikeliness due to lack of awareness or training “inoculated themselves”
-practice what I preach; “or not” is an inoculation pattern
-pacing and inoculating mismatchers saying to themselves or me, “I doubt it”; “or not”
The first time through Drive by Daniel Pink, I loved it. The 2nd time? I’m loving it.
When you read this book for the 2nd time, you’ll notice more than you did the first because you’ll have a different perspective since reading the first. You’ll have met people and talked about things that you relate back to the first read through. Makes it exciting! again! (shush. poets license. shhhht.)
Anyways, what grabbed me the second time through was the paragraph where he talks about heuristics. That’s creatively looking at things a different way. Versus an algorithm. Now, it may seem obvious that we need to look at things a different way in order to solve problems, after all, Albert Einstein taught us “we can’t solve problems at the same level that created them,” or something to that effect. But, heuristics grabbed me.
This reminded me of positive deviance. No, it’s not an oxymoron. Positive deviance is where a group of people within a group of people will go against the grain and do something that disrupts the accepted way of doing things and creates something that actually works. You’ve heard the saying, “first it’s laughed at, then it’s ridiculed, then it’s violently opposed, then it’s accepted as self-evident,” or something to that effect. Well, this is like that.
Next, you have design thinking by Roger Martin of Canada. I haven’t read , yet (I’m still reading Drive,) but I plan to. I researched it just for this post. Someone who will remain nameless @bigwags mentioned it the other morning at #CIB and it got me thinking. Later, when I was reading Drive for the 2nd time, this all came together.
The opposable mind from what I understand is holding two opposing thoughts simultaeously. Sounds far fetched until you have a family. Actually, sounds a lot like “enantiosis,” a rhetorical figure from way back in the day. Anyway, the author of the Opposable Mind has done some research on this phenomena.
Here’s something fascinating. While researching Design Thinking for this post, the Slideshare I read includes Daniel Pink’s take on design thinking! I guess great minds do think alike.
In my Ick Factor post, I talked about one technique of getting children to eat tasty healthy foods. There are several techniques that I use to manipulate my children into eating tasty healthy foods that I can think of just off the top of my head.
In another post, I commented about someone else’s blog post about age and happiness, “So, while I believe it’s perfectly okay to point out flaws without offering a solution it is generally futile to do so.” So, I’m going to do that here.
1. I attach strong positive emotions to the event. e.g. cheer when they take a bite. I clap, “yeah” and make fool of myself to get them to smile. I personally think the human reaction to cheering is innate and affects everyone positively, whether you’re an athlete, on a stage, or not.
2. Attach sounds that are naturally attached to such emotions. e.g. “hmmm” “mmmmm” “gooooooood” and “yummmmmm.” This this gets the children saying these things because they are fun and the utterances get attached to healthy eating.
3. I rub my tummy because it is silly and it’s probably hard-wired to do so when you’re eating yummy foods.
4. Talk about the fun sensations associated with eating certain foods. e.g. “peas are fun to eat when you pop them in your mouth.” Children like popping things. Especially bubble wrap. Also, notice the lesser included structure of the sentence, “you pop them in your mouth.” It creates the manipulative 2nd meaning of a command.
5. I pretend I’m going to eat theirs if they don’t. I slowly and playfully motion towards their plate.
6. I pretend to be upset that they are eating their own peas. Children like to be in control of your emotions.
7. I pretend to be mad when they steal peas off of my plate. Children like to be in control of your emotions.
8. And, eventually, I pretend to be upset when they want the remaining scoop left in the serving dish. It’s just not fair that they get the last of the peas. People, I mean children, like to be the benefactor of unfairness.
9. I talk about their sibling liking the particular food being served. This gets emulation and a little competition going.
10. I talk about Olympian Shawn Johnson liking them. As well as any other celebrity. e.g. Cinderella, Dora, etc. Some might think this is dishonest, if so, refer to my Anything but That post. It was written for you. Shawn, thanks for being a veggie lover!
11. Rarely, and I mean rarely, do I offer some type of treat reward. If I do, it’s usually a surprise offering after they have eaten their serving and usually just in the beginning phase (the first few meals that they are being exposed to it and resisting.) Kind of like a jackpot at the casino. I’ll lose a few readers out there for that one.
12. I constantly chide, tease and playfully exaggerate things in order to add fun to eating new things.
13. Of course, I do the airplane bit with a spoonful flying into their mouth. Complete with the engine noises and other effects. They enjoy this, but it’ll be embarrassing for them at their 13th birthday party!
There are other ideas out there, but you can see how my children don’t stand a chance against the persuasiveness of their dear ole Dad when it comes to eating tasty healthy foods. Lucky kids, I tell ya. And that’s no lie!
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Changing corporate culture is like getting kids to eat peas -Sherri Maxson #analogy #simile
Being pretty on the inside means you don’t hit your brother and you eat all your peas – that’s what my grandma taught me. -Lord Chesterfield #complexequivalence
Mostly, I spend my time being a mother to my two children, working in my organic garden, raising masses of sweet peas, being passionately involved in conservation, recycling and solar energy. -Blythe Danner #enumeratio
The Ick Factor. I can’t stand it. Unless, of course, it’s working to my advantage.
I’ll give you an example. If it weren’t for the Ick Factor, people would recognize that people can be trained like dogs. But, because no one wants to be associated with a likeness to dogs, we shy away from learning from the similarities we share with the animal world. Mainly, that we learn the same. True, humans are more complex, but that’s secondary to the similarities.
e.g. Getting your children to eat lots of tasty healthy foods is where I’m going with this. If people understood that this is primarily influenced by scarcity and freedom, the world would be a lot healthier. Now I understand I don’t have a ton a credibility with healthy eating since I try to eat two packages of Pop-Tarts daily, you can still learn what works for me, test it yourself, and, as always, adjust accordingly.
People want freedom of choice. We know this. Whether it’s the illusion of choice or total freedom of choice, is another blog post, but for our purposes here, let’s say illusion of choice will work with children. Maybe it’s mean to only give a child a choice of eating what’s on their plate or not eating at all. If that’s how you feel, you’re going to have a hard time digesting this. However, if you are searching for what works, proceed.
The other thing is scarcity. Now with children, we know they don’t like to have their toys taken away from them. Coincidentally, this goes for many possessions in their lives, clothes, cars and, you guessed it, food. Interestingly, even if it’s the illusion of possession. The illusion of possession is them thinking they own these things, but ultimately, they don’t. Their parents do.
I’m going to change direction here a little bit and propose that you combine scarcity and ownership with choice. You do this by taking away (threatening to or pretending to, at least) the food that they refuse to eat, and then giving them the choice of eating it, or not. It’s up to them. “Little Johnny, we’re going to pass your plate around the table and let everyone have a bite. If there’s anything left when it finally gets back around to you, then you can decide if you want to eat it or not.
Hey, sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind.
The Ick Factor isn’t just everyone taking a bite of their food (the image of this will be enough.) But, more importantly, not feeding your child (or even the threat of it) is akin to child abuse. Luckily, it won’t go this far, but that won’t stop some parents from not being responsible for being effective at persuasion.
If you want to get crazy with this, you can even throw in a fairness element. Children, as you know, insist on fariness. “Johnny, it’s not fair that you get to be the only one eating chicken (when they smirk, you know this is working on them.) Everyone else has to eat either a hot dog or a hamburger (chicken is a toss in the dark effort to try something new and different).”
Sometimes we have to sacrifice a short-term discomfort for a long-term comfort.
Here’s another example of the Ick Factor at play. Sometime during the spoon-feeding phase of child-rearing, your child will want to swipe at your hand vs eating. Not their fault. It’s just a natural defensive reaction to shoving something in their face. But, this makes it hard to get the food in their mouth.
Instead of restraining them, which just makes them frustrated every time, try rewarding them when they don’t swipe, by inserting food. If they don’t restrain their own hands (freedom of choice,) they don’t get the reward. The Ick Factor, again, is not feeding your child momentarily (apparently this is worse than forcibly restraining a child and shoving food in their mouth or even worse screaming at them and throw dishes across the kitchen.) But, rest assured, if done correctly, and with conviction, your child will learn quickly that they get to choose when to eat (which presupposes they are eating) and they get to feel like they are training you to perform on demand (another favorite of children an dogs.) A childish win-win, but none the less, a win-win.
Don’t let the Ick Factor prevent you from doing what works and what’s best for your child, seeing through the BS, making the right decision, or acting on a well-researched thoroughly-considered opportunity.
*Hold harmless disclosure: Let me emphasize that this me exercising my First Amendment right to write about a persuasive bluffing strategy played out over mealtime, not an endorsement of the starvation of children, the non-feeding of children or any other mistreatment of children, obviously. Any misuse or misunderstanding of the writing contained in this blog post, or any of my posts for that matter, is is strongly opposed by the author, Jade Handy and State Of Mind Coaching & Training.
If you can bridge thought from skid steers to corporate work, then you can quickly bridge to however you demonstrate value. 
(an Amazon Affiliate link,) without reference to NLP, I’ll probably never know. 
(link is an Amazon Affiliate link,) so I was definitely educated on the subject of fitness and health (read sarcasm here.) 
