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Advice Unsolicited

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Posted on 30th April 2010 by Jade Handy in Coaching |Persuasion |Selling Language

Sounds like a lot like a movie title.  But it’s not.  Hey, you should title your next movie Advice Unsolicited!  Unsolicited Advice?  Too common. 

There are ways to gain common ground and ways to not.

After reading When Not To Give Advice by Siddhartha Herdegen, I got to thinking I should tell you to subscribe to his way of thinking.

You shouldn’t give advice to someone:

 1. Who’s driving

 2. Enjoying a success

 3. Who doesn’t know you as an expert

 4. Who doesn’t know you care about their success

5. or anyone who hasn’t asked you for it directly

I agree.  Get a lay of the land before opening your mouth.  I get it.  And, more specifically, here is what I learned for the next time my wife is driving:  Know when it’s time for me to take on a more supportive role and let her do the driving.  Even if it takes us a little longer to get there.  Even if we are late. 

When you read his article, you’ll realize these are his words “almost” word for word.  Why did I do that?  Because when something rings true with you, don’t mess with it.  Go with it.

I, also, love his use of “you’d be wrong.” …  It’s right on.

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 Just be yourself.  -#autophasia

We give advice, but we don’t inspire conduct.  -Francois Duc de la Rochefoucauld

 Advice is like snow – the softer it falls, the longer it dwells upon, and te deeper it sinks into the mind.  -Samuel Taylor Coleridge  #simile

Nobody wants advice – only corraboration.  -John Steinbeck 

To offer a man unsolicited advice is to presume that he doesn’t know what to do or that he can’t do it on his own.  -John Gray

A good scare is worth more than good advice.  -Horace  #repeater

Giving advice to a stupid man is like giving salt to a squirrel. -Kashmiri Proverb

If it’s free, it’s advice; if you pay for it, it’s counseling; if you can use either on, it’s a miracle.  -Jack Adams  #paraprosdokian  #anaphora

Be yourself is about the worst advice you can give to some people.  Thomas L. Masson

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The cool stuff this blog is made of:::  ”like a lot like”  -rhyme; “lot like”  -alliteration; “But it’s not”  -Switch direction; lot-not  -rhyme; movie-movie – repeat; title-title  -repeat; “you should”  -advice; advice unsolicited-unsolicited advice  -antimetabole; common-common  -repeat; ways to-ways to  -#anaphora, “Ways to not” sounds like “waste not.”  – #homonymic pun; gain common ground  -sandwiched alliteration; “after reading”  -presupposition; “should tell you”  -unsolicited advice; subscribe  -semantic priming; ”I get it”  -(lay of the land/understand); even if-even if”  -#anaphora; “When you read”  -presupposition; “you’ll realize”  -awareness presupposition; word for word  -symploce, “did I do”  -sounds cool; because  -Cialdini reason; true-you  -rhyme; mess with it.  Go with it.  – #epistrophe #isocolon; “you’d be wrong.” …  It’s right on.  – #assonance; “right on”  -(correct and/or OK with me and/or antonym of wrong)

Photo Credit:  http://www.flickr.com/photos/mythoto/ / CC BY-NC-SA 2.0

Can’t Be A Hero In Your Own Home

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Posted on 29th April 2010 by Jade Handy in Peak Performance

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Or can you?  Or do you have to be?  If not you, who?

Everyone thinks they are top dog in their pack.  The den leader if you will.  Especially “alpha-males.” 

Normally, they are striving to be the best.  Learning everything they can from whom ever they’ve chosen as their mentor.  Usually it’s only someone above them in the chain of command or an outside unbiased non-partisan influence like a vendor representative.

The Achilles heal of this is not recognizing (awareness and/or awarding) effective performance and inquiring about it when helpful, regardless of it’s source.  Most people are reverse engineering what their coworkers are doing to a certain extent, but not often fully and not publicly.

Another challenge is that if you operate under this belief, it includes you, like an umbrella, unless you’re the exception.

So, what does it say about your beliefs about yourself when you don’t believe someone in your environment can break out of it and create a successful niche for themselves.  In other words, if you don’t think someone of your social-economic stature can break out of it, financially, expertise-wise, socially, economically, success-wise, notariety-wise, or any-other-wise, then this very belief that you use to hold others down is likely holding you down, as well.

Having nonfinished several efforts in several MLMs, I have learned a few things along the way about how they persuade, regardless. 

One of the benefits of being involved in MLMs (outside of the upside of the benefits of being successful at it) is learning about edification.  To edify in that realm means to put each other upon a pedestal by bragging up each others’ personal strengths or performance.  This often makes for a powerful “argumentum a fortiori” frame of “if Banjo Ben can do this in light of the same challenges as you, then so too can you.” 

MLMs have examples of every conceivable pre-existing condition becoming a strong suit.  Which makes for a powerful “The Ledge” pattern/tautology, meaning whatsoever your challenge, overcoming this challenge is exactly what will make you successful and therefore the very reason you should.

The takeaway is, start noticing the good qualities in others, that you can utilize. 

If you don’t have anyone around you to source, then resource yourself via repurposing successful past transferable performances regardless of the specific environment they originated.

You’ll find this very useful and beneficial.

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“Please accept my resignation. I don’t care to belong to any club that will have me as a member”.  -Groucho Marx

Photo Credit:  flickr Stefan Mendelsohn /  CC license

Why I Hate Personality Types

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Posted on 28th April 2010 by Jade Handy in Peak Performance |Persuasion

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2 Reasons.  Because there’s what, some six billion people on the planet!  That’s one why.

This following story has to do with the other why.

Six blind monks are walking when they come to an elephant that blocks their path. “What is this?” asks one of the monks. Another, addressing the group suggests that they reach out to touch the object in front of them and describe what they find. The first man grasps a tusk of the elephant. He confidently proclaims that the object in front of them is a spear. “Ridiculous” says the second man (who has a taken a hold of the elephant’s trunk) “this is clearly a snake”. “I don’t think so” said the third man, who, having touched the ears of the elephant suggests that it is in fact a large fan. “Nonsense” exclaims the fourth man. “This sturdy column can only be a tree” – for he has his hands around a leg of the elephant. The fifth man, lightly chuckling to himself as he runs his hands across the flank of the pachyderm pauses for a moment to interject that “this is clearly a wall”. Last, but not least the sixth man tells the group that he has found a rope, as he has a grip of the elephant’s tail… Due to the confusion, the monks cannot agree about what obstructs their path and as a consequence are unable to figure a strategy for continuing their journey. Of course each man, to a degree is “right”, but equally they are all wrong too.

This story came from two sources, 1. Mark Batey, Ph.D. of Psychology Today 2. Thailand It’s obvious where it originated, but who cares.  I just want to use it.  (as a side note, it’s interesting to me that saying a country will usually establish more orgination credibility than will a name) (pun intended #paralipsis)

The moral I’m attaching to the story is that by the time everyone has tried to figure out what it is or what’s going on, they could have either killed it, captured it, or avoided it, all together. (again, #paralipsis)  Instead, they’re standing there with their committee hats on, you know, standing there with their sticks in their hands trying to reach agreement.

It’s much easier to if you notice there is a spear, then make sure you avoid it.  If there is a snake, kill it.  If there is a fan, capture it’s breeze.  If there is a leg, flank, or rope, utilize it advantageously, as well.

Green, red, pink or blue?  Seriously?  Cat, dog, horse, rat?  C’mon, you’re killing me here with your type-talk. 

In business and personal relationships, don’t try to read too much into it.  To go back to the wildlife metaphor, if it walks, talks and flys like a duck, it’s a duck. 

Another metaphor that comes to mind is “When in Rome…”

Trying to interpret behavior is like predicting the weather.  Instead, just notice what’s in front of you in the context you ‘re in.  Then fine tune it (your sensory acuity, that is.)   And then, use it.

OK.  Fine.  More specifics?  If their arms are crossed, maybe it’s not resistance, but a chill in the air.  If they sit back, sit back with them.  If they say “boo-ya,” don’t say “boo-ee.”  If they ask to see something, show them something. 

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That’s always the case.  Except when it’s not.  -Jade Handy #sbns  #autophasia

If you’re always seeing sheep, what happens when it’s actually a wolf?  -Jade Handy #reformcliche  #snowclone

That reminds me that I hate personality types for the reason that no one is a perfect anything and no one is a true introvert or extrovert. The “types” always come off as caned at first glance.  -Dettagli aggiuntivi  #anamnesis

True.  Personality types and horoscopes are spelled differently.  -Jade Handy #sbns  #but

Photo Credit:  http://www.flickr.com/photos/splodge/ / CC BY-NC-ND 2.0

The Rule of Writing

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Posted on 27th April 2010 by Jade Handy in Let's Talk About Language |Peak Performance |Persuasion

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I’m not a professional writer, but I do read for a living (meaning to make a life.)  And if I know anything, it’s that the only rule of writing, or any other form of communication for that matter, is know your audience, and adjust accordingly.

This isn’t the only rule out there, I’m sure, but it’s a darn good one.

Won ruhle that isn’t is cliche.  I’d like to successfully brake evry other rule of writing out their, soooo long as it doesn’t break mine.  It’s not all about me, though.  It’s about you.

Don’t get me wrong, there are rules.  If fact, you can’t even talk about rules without applying another. 

The meaning of the communication is the response you get.  Pure and simple.  Even if you don’t think it’s true, operate as if you do.  Having this belief orients your brain to taking responsibility for yourself and your writing more and more with each passing day.  It’s fun.

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Writing rules.  By that I mean writing is fun.  That’s the only rule of writing.  -Jade Handy #distinctio #ambiguity

Photo Credit: “Chris” in a Blog for Profit post

Don’t Judge My Use of Cliches

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Posted on 27th April 2010 by Jade Handy in Let's Talk About Language |Persuasion |Selling Language

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Is this a sick joke when people say don’t use a worn out cliche? 

Ever heard of a poet’s license when using a cliche?  That means if you claim having one, you can get away with using any one.  Cliches are the backbone of colorful language. 

Besides, who’s the “worn-out cliche” police, anyway?  You’ll have to pry cliches from my cold dead hands.  No one is listening to the authorities anyway.  What I mean is that anyone who’s anyone is doing whatever the hell they please. 

It’s the nobodies who’s voice is never heard because they were too scared of the authorities.  And, it’s the nobodies that are telling the somebodies what to do.  You’re not the boss o’ me! 

Not only that, but every other Tom, Dick and Harry is still doing it.  So, I cantu.

Cliches, even the worn-out kind, will never die because they are a form of metaphor and storytelling.  There is a story behind every cliche.  That gets passed on generation to generation.  So, good luck! 

What else is out?  Black? No, black is the new black.  Making money on Wall Street?  Please. Not even close. 

Another reason cliches will never see the pearly gates is because they are constantly changing to keep up with current culture.  When all is said and done, I say “carry on cliches!”  Carry on because it’s one of the options for brevity.  Seriously.  Who wants to hear a long drawn out dissertation on how you jumped the gun or flew the coop or broke all the rules?  Just do it!

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Choose something you like to do. I know it’s a cliche, and you’ve heard it over and over. But the reason is, you’re going to have to work long and hard to achieve any success. You better like it or life is going to be terrible.  -Bill Kurtis  #prolepsis #anthypophora

Every cliche about kids is true; they grow up so quickly, you blink and they’re gone, and you have to spend the time with them now. But that’s a joy.  -Liam Neeson #absolutes 

I don’t believe that old cliche that good things come to those who wait. I think good things come to those who want something so bad they can’t sit still.  -Ashton Kutcher #reformcliche

If you want to use a cliche you must take full responsibility for it yourself and not try to fob it off on anon., or on society.  -Lewis Thomas

If your mind is at work, we’re in danger of reproducing another cliche. If we can keep our minds out of it and our thoughts out of it, maybe we’ll come up with something original.  -Peter Falk

Is “tired old cliche” one?  -Rod Schmidt #autophasia 

It is a cliche that most cliches are true, but then like most cliches, that cliche is untrue.  -Stephen Fry #conduplicatio #antimetabole #autophasia #anthypophora

My sound is very smooth. Not to be to cliche, but really sensual and sultry.  -Paul Taylor #apophasis

So I think I sometimes will put a cliche in and then just pad it out so you’re not noticing.  -Matthew Vaughn

There is a cliche that men want their women to be ladies in public and hookers behind closed doors. I want my woman to be the sharper image robot so that she can be turned off.  -Al Goldstein  #reformcliche

Any philosophy that can be put “in a nutshell” belongs there.  -Sydney J. Harris

The cliche is dead poetry.  -Gerald Brenan <died 1987 according to Wikipedia.  I guess they outlived him and his ideas!

2 Things People Love

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Posted on 26th April 2010 by Jade Handy in Let's Talk About Language |Marketing/PR |Persuasion |Selling Language

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#2: Lists of things

That’s it.  Shows over… Just kidding. 

I know you want to know who won.  People love to know what or who won.  They’ll stick around for it.  Tease the their curious bone and they’ll act as if you owe them something.

e.g. Top Ten Lists, 2 Times to Make it a Foursome, Bottom 5 Dives, 7 Ways to Get to Heaven, 3 Ways to Meet a woman on a swim team… what!?

Now, you caught the alliteration, maybe.  You noticed the rhyme, even.  But did you catch the #assonance end of it? 

Chances are, you had to take a double take because it caught your attention.  Just like the previous sentence where I used #parachesis.

Now, I know the all the Twitter hashtag links (#assonance, #parachesis) currently lead to not much if anything, but eventually they will.  They are the dyes that tie colorful language together.  BTW, the dye lots may change, but the impression stays the same.

Back to lists, lists and more lists.  If you must know now,     #1 is a tie: curiosity and how to get there.  Ta ta…

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A list is only as strong as its weakest link.  -Donald Knuth

An income tax form is like a laundry list – either way you lose your shirt.  -Fred A. Allen

And I had this big, long list of what I wanted in a guy but I realized I didn’t stack up to the list myself.  -Star Jones

Confront your fears, list them, get to know them, and only then will you be able to put them aside and move ahead.  -Jerry Gillies

Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I’m not there, I go to work.  -Robert Orben

For years I’ve kept a list of dream projects.  -Michael Bolton

I made this list of stuff that it’s time for me to try to do.  -Rick Moody

In all planing you make a list and you set priorities.  -Alan Lakein

Laughter is the best medicine – unless you’re diabetic, then insulin comes pretty high on the list.  -Jasper Carrott  #reformingcliche

My to-do list is so long that it doesn’t have an end; it has an event horizon.  -Craig Bruce

We don’t take care of our teachers and our cops and our firemen. They should be at the top of our list.  -Brad Garrett

Why can’t somebody give us a list of things that everybody thinks and nobody says, and another list of things that everybody says and nobody thinks.  -Oliver Wendell Holmes  #inverse  #antimetabole

Photo credit:  http://www.flickr.com/photos/paolo_rosa/ / CC BY-NC-ND 2.0

Hide It Out In The Open 1

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Posted on 26th April 2010 by Jade Handy in Let's Talk About Language |Objection Strategies |Peak Performance

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By using a qualifier.  

If you say “yes” to everything, everything will drive you crazy.  Now, just for clarification, when I say everything, I really mean just all requests of your time and other resources.  

You don’t have to nonfinish what you don’t start and “not right now” isn’t the only other option.

This concept isn’t just for business.  With children, for example,  requests for more Chex Mix get this response from me.  “If you eat all your crackers and if you want more, I’ll get you some more if you remember to ask.”  It also sounds like a Quid Pro Quo or a I-get-what-I-want-then-you -get-what-you-want.  But, that’s not what I’m going for here with this.  Manipulative, you say?  

What’s more manipulative?  Saying you’ll do something, then in your head qualifying it with ”how about never”  or “only if you hold a gun to my head” or knowing you’ll forget or get too  busy with other things.  ’Cause that’s what most people are doing, I’ve noticed. 

OR manipulating out in the open?  Maybe they don’t catch it and call you out on it.  Maybe they do.  Maybe, if they do, you restate it with stronger emphasis or stronger tonality.  Or, maybe both.  The totality of the two will nip the request in the bud faster.  Who knows?  Test different tactics and see if they will work.  

More times than not, though, you’ll find the best way to hide things is to simply hide it out in the open.

Other examples.  Make it contingent upon something else happening like, “if we actually go to the conference” ”if I don’t get too busy” “if I still need to at that point” “if you haven’t figured it out by then (Great challenge, by the way.  People love them, if they are subtle enough)” “if they call back.”  You get the picture.    

So, how does this tie back to business.  Actually, all of it.  Except the part about requesting Chex Mix.  Your boss may not appreciate your “sense of humor.” 

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A genius knows how to make himself easily understood without being obvious about it.  -Jean Anouilh

Photo Credit:  http://www.flickr.com/photos/sweetknez23/ / CC BY-NC-ND 2.0

Two Doors One Store

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Posted on 26th April 2010 by Jade Handy in Let's Talk About Language |Peak Performance |Persuasion |Selling Language

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Recently, my social media coach, Mike, requested (not really, but stated the “can we postpone” firmly by properly framing it, I might add) to reschedule an early morning meeting in light of a more urgent matter.  Understandable, as we all have these moments.

I replied with, “No problem.  Saturday?”  Why?  Because “Whatever, Mike” sounded rude when I drafted it.  “Sure” sounded lightly salted.  I went with “No problem.  Saturday?” because I wanted to capitalize on his guilt, immediately, and lock in the next appointment.  He’s a very busy man, you see.

He replies to my reply with “Works.  U name the time n place (u know my pref:)”  Again, illusion of choice, but I close with, “Let’s go with that then.”

Why “Let’s go with that then.”?  I love the ambiguity of “that” and “then.” “That” meaning I name the time place, or, his preferential time and place.  “Then” meaning “in that case” and also meaning “our usual of 8:30 at Panera U.”

Not to mention the unanswered question he might have, as well, of, “I wonder if we are thinking the same thing?”  That’s the funny part.  The fact that I think this far into these things should worry me (not you.)

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A guilty conscience needs to confess. A work of art is a confession.  -Albert Camus <persuasion is a work of art and certainly a rescheduled appointment will yield a confession, as well.

Every choice you make has an end result.  -Zig Ziglar

Every man builds his world in his own image. He has the power to choose, but no power to escape the necessity of choice.  -Ayn Rand

Belief in the absence of illusions is itself an illusion.  -Barbara Grizzuti Harrison

Art has a double face, of expression and illusion, just like science has a double face: the reality of error and the phantom of truth.  -Publilius Syrus #antapodosis #simile #repeater

Be miserable. Or motivate yourself. Whatever has to be done, it’s always your choice.  -Wayne Dyer

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Of course, there are techniques for reducing them, but when someone cancels or reschedules an appointment with you, thank them.  The likelihood of them rescheduling is strong due to their guilt (real or imagined.)  The same goes for being stood up for an appointment.  Unless they are too rife with guilt or disinterest in the first place, they’ll likely give you special attention.  Not only that, but no matter what kind of salesperson you are, you’ll have a better attitude getting on with the rest of your day.

Photo Credit:  http://www.flickr.com/photos/jonathangill/ / CC BY 2.0

I Can’t Believe I Just Realized This

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Posted on 22nd April 2010 by Jade Handy in Uncategorized

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Ever have one of those moments when you just realized something that was right in front of you the whole time? 

I don’t mean the type where you’re searching for something in the cupboard and it’s eye-level in front of you and you still don’t notice it.  I’m not even talking about when you run right into an elusive obvious aha!. 

I’m talking about this morning when I received an email about a new Panera Bread opening closest to my daily route.  The epiphany came when I realized I can eat there for LUNCH as another option. 

Why is this relevant to this blog post?  Because I have been talking about getting bagels for BREAKFAST from there for at least a couple of weeks and it never occurred to me that I would have another lunch option, that’s why! 

How could I have been so absent minded?  Where has the lunch part of my brain been? 

Well, the same mechanism that is working when you are at a business reciprocation breakfast, or something, and someone mentions a specific business type that you never attributed to being a good lead for that person is working here, as well.  This, BTW, happened to me on Friday. 

Yes, this past Friday.  Just previous to this occurrence, last Wednesday, I was enlightened with permission to post multiple blog posts daily in the same fashion.  Seems like I’m having a rash of these lately.  Hmmm.  I wonder what I’ll run into next!

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Photo Credit:  http://www.flickr.com/photos/13586721@N05/ / CC BY-NC-ND 2.0

How to Reverse Engineer 1

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Posted on 22nd April 2010 by Jade Handy in How to Reverse Engineer |Let's Talk About Language |Peak Performance

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Stolen from Holland, Sales Posse posted a great tool to use in order to reverse engineer.

Ask yourself, “What would (blank) do?”

Sounds a lot like “What Would Jesus Do?” WWJD. I wonder if they know we Americans relate that phrase to Him?

Spend five minutes writing down a few words about the behavior, attitude, and actions of someone you want to emulate and those characteristics will carry over to you.

Sounds a lot like What Does He Have That I Don’t, only different. 

Regardless, I like it.  I like it because it’s simple and useful.  Who couldn’t use some more of that?

Strapping on the Drool Cup

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Posted on 22nd April 2010 by Jade Handy in Coaching |Peak Performance |Sports and Athletes

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Google “strapping on the drool cup” and you’ll find a phrase so relevant and broad scoping it will amaze you that you haven’t heard or used it.  If you have, kudos to you. 

I found this quote from – who’d a thunk it - a black belt.  But not the karate kind.  The quality improvement kind.  You know, Six Sigma and the like.  Steven C Wilson is a friendly contact I met through Hawkeye Chapter ASTD. 

Strapping on the drool cup is a term apparently used by those “In the fighter pilot world (at least in the USMC fighter pilot world) we called that “STRAPPING ON THE DROOL CUP.” Kind of like becoming so enamored with what is going on INSIDE the COCKPIT (there are lots of bells and whistles in the cockpit) that you forget to see Mt McKinley in front of you who wants to ruin your whole day. A “Forest for the Trees” sort of thing.

We all assume focus is good. It is. When appropriate. We just need to be good enough and smart enough to determine when to UNHOOK THE DROOL CUP and just look out the window and when it is necessary to BE THE BALL, DANNY.”

Steven C. Wilson added a new dimension to this.  Another symptom of this condition is not being able to think outside the box, or as Taco Bell says, outside the bun. So conditioned to do things the way we have for so many years, we are often unable to be creative, innovative…we become “stuck on the escalator”.

I like to think of it as being in the moment when strapping on the drool cup is good and like a deer in the headlights when it’s bad.  Seeing others in this mode is kind of like rubbernecking at a traffic accident.  You just can’t help but look.

I’ll be referring people to this post when they ask me how I use the Archimedes Principle and metaphor in business.

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I’ll keep on acting ’til they wipe the drool. I like the business. I like to do different parts and diverse characters. I haven’t lost my enthusiasm yet!  -Robert Duvall 

I’m not going to sit on the porch of the old anchorman’s home with a drool cup.  -Tom Brokaw  #negation

If you were to open up a baby’s head – and I am not for a moment suggesting that you should – you would find nothing but an enormous drool gland.  -Dave Barry  #synecdoche

Nonfinish in Order to Read This

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Posted on 21st April 2010 by Jade Handy in Peak Performance

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Tim Ferriss taught me the art of nonfinishing. Thanks.

When I first heard this I found myself with my head cocked to the side with glazed eyes.  What the heck does that even mean!?  What happened to finishing what you started?  Towing the line?  Going the distance?  Hammering it out?  Getting it in the goal? 

But, then I thought about it.  This makes a lot of damn sense.  When you think about it, it’s no different than realizing you have eaten too much and putting the fork down.  It’s no different than realizing your foot is in your mouth and removing it as gracefully as possible.  Who can say it’s not a good idea to stop smoking before it’s too late?  Who can say it’s not a good idea to put the bottle down well before you drive?  Who can say it’s not a good idea to stop and smell the roses? 

Some people need the police to tell them to stop … set the gun down and step away from the victim. 

It’s not like you have to do this all the time with everything.  This skill requires discretion and good decision-making.

I have found this unfinishing thing so useful.  It’s a close second to starting things and finishing things.  For example, when I’m struggling to write a draft for a blog post, I often have to just stop … and move on to something else.  Often times the draft just sits out there in the blogoshpere.  Sometimes, not often, the missing piece comes to me during an unexpected event.  Then, I open up the draft and am able to blast through it in no time at all. 

To be more specific to a situation you may find yourself in, if you’re working on a prospect or a boss that isn’t budging or is going no where or is just simply not worth it, stop where you are in the process and walk away.  That’s right, just walk away when it’s just not worth it. 

I like this short story I found on Yahoo Answers contributed by Zeera.  ”Reminds me of the fishing trips I used to go on with dad.  Sometimes the line would snag on some timber deep in the water, and bringing out his pocketknife he’d say, “cut the line”.”

Consequently, unfinishing is also helpful when you find yourself digging yourself a hole.  Tell yourself to stop … set the shovel down and step away from the hole!

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Easy come easy go. -American Proverb #repeater

Give a man a rope and he’ll hang himself.  -American Proverb

Cut your losses and let your profits run.  -American Proverb

If what you’re doing isn’t working, anything else has a better chance.  -#simpletruth

Know when to walk away.  Know when to run.  -Kenny Rogers #anaphora

Just because you made your bed doesn’t mean you have to sleep in it.  -Jade Handy #reformingcliche

Happiness is never stopping to think if you are.  -Palmer Sondreal

Of any stopping place in life, it is good to ask whether it will be a good place from which to go on as well as a good place to remain.   -Mary Catherine Bateson

Everybody’s worried about stopping terrorism. Well, there’s a really easy way: stop participating in it.   -Noam Chomsky

I’m not stopping. My dream has come true, and I’m staying.   -Rita Coolidge

You take the cards you’re dealt. I’m now ferociously healthy in body and mind. You couldn’t pay me to go near a psychiatrist again. Stopping seeing them was my first step to getting well.   -Margot Kidder

Acting is the expression of a neurotic impulse. It’s a bum’s life. Quitting acting, that’s the sign of maturity.   -Marlon Brando

Drugs were pretty easy to quit taking. I was never addicted to anything to begin with. But then, liquor – I had to wait about another six years before I finally got around to quitting that. I’m sure glad I did.  -Alex Chilton

I’m more proud of quitting smoking than of anything else I’ve done in my life, including winning an Oscar.  -Christine Lahti

I’m quitting the business today. I’m going to open up an appliance store, I’ve always really been into toasters. I’m giving it all up.  -Dane Cook

If I can just see the European war out I think I might feel justified in quitting the war.  -Ernie Pyle

One day I promised God that if he would give me my voice back I would never smoke again. I got three octaves back after quitting.  -Mariah Carey 

OK, so I have a problem quitting searching for relevant quotes.  How ironic.  But, let’s move on anyway.

Risk means everything from being honest about your faith, to moving, to quitting a job that’s paying you a fortune but it’s not what’s in your heart. Risking things is one of the biggest fears we have.   -John Tesh

Photo Credit:  http://www.flickr.com/photos/viciousg42/ / CC BY-NC-ND 2.0

Piggybacking on Metaphors

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Posted on 21st April 2010 by Jade Handy in Persuasion |Selling Language

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Huh?  I said, “Are you piggybacking on my metaphor?”

What’s that you say?  Piggybacking on my metaphor?  That’s when someone explains their present situation in metaphorical terms, like someone saying “I don’t want to dive in, I just want to get my feet wet,” and you take their metaphor and run with it, say, “Well, put your swimsuit on just in case.”  Or, someone says, “I’m not in deep, I’m just wading in the kiddie pool” and you say, “but your still making waves.”

Why would you do that?  1. Because it’s powerful 2. Because it’s natural 3. Because it’s fun and easy to implement.  That’s why. 

1.  Because it’s powerful.  If you don’t think metaphors are relevant these days, think again.  Using metaphors to teach, impart information or persuade is just as powerful and relevant as it has always has been. 

2.  Because it’s natural.  It’s natural to use metaphors, and if you’re thinking you don’t use them, then use the other person’s.  Just like the examples in the first paragraph, they will be able to relate to your use of their metaphor.  It’s like speaking the same language in any given culture.

3.  Because it’s fun and easy to implement.  Whether you’ll find yourself using this with your coworkers, clients or family, finding the right metaphor will be handed to you on a silver platter.  There’s nothing more fun and easy than doing more of what you’re already doing once you notice that you’re already doing it, right?  It’s nearly impossible to not speak in metaphor when you think about it.

Start noticing when you and those around you are extending the same metaphor being used by the other party in order to understand it, build on it, or change the direction. 

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A successful book cannot afford to be more than ten percent new.  -Marshall McLuhan

Language is memory and metaphor.  -Storm Jameson

Photo Credit:  http://www.flickr.com/photos/jackol/ / CC BY-ND 2.0

Replace with People

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Posted on 20th April 2010 by Jade Handy in Let's Talk About Language

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People always ask me, “How do you get people to X?”  You know, say yes, say no, do this, do that.  Those types of things.

Now, I could retort with, “I don’t know, how do YOU get people to do X?”  Because if I were to probe a little further, we’d find that you probably already are, in a different context, doing what you want to do in the new context, but just aren’t seeing it objectively.  You know what I mean?

And, since you probably don’t mean “you” literally, as in me, Jade, then I’m going to answer the question you were really asking instead of the question you did ask.  Why am I talking this way, BTW?  Because I want you to pay close attention to what I’m about to say.

But, instead, I’m going to say to you, “replace the “you” with “people.” 

Why?  Because I could just tell you different ways people are doing X, but don’t you want to learn it?  If so, then, replace your “you” with “people” and then notice when “people” are doing X. 

You might find yourself saying, “I noticed he…”

When you’ve spotted it, back up and remember what they did just prior.  In order to do this, your radar will have had to have been up and now you’ll be searching for all the different ways people are doing X and you’ll catch on to a few. 

You know how people are always wanting to discover for themselves how things work?  Well, maybe not everyone, but some of everyone.  Have you ever known someone who wouldn’t do something unless you made them think it was their idea to do it?  That’s what this is like.  When you discover these things for yourself, you’ll be more likely to remember them and to use them.  So, notice that this is effective and then test it on for size.

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You can observe a lot by just watching.  -Yogi Berra #simpletruth #yogiism

Life is not a spectator sport. If you’re going to spend your whole life in the grandstand just watching what goes on, in my opinion you’re wasting your life.  -Jackie Robinson

As I grow older, I pay less attention to what men say. I just watch what they do.  -Andrew Carnegie

There isn’t any formula or method. You learn to love by loving – by paying attention and doing what one thereby discovers has to be done.  -Aldous Huxley

The writer should never be ashamed of staring. There is nothing that does not require his attention.  -Flannery O’Connor

Photo Credit:  http://www.flickr.com/photos/farleyj/ / CC BY 2.0

I Lost My Job and Found My Life

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Posted on 19th April 2010 by Jade Handy in Coaching |Peak Performance

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Listen, through the years, I have lost or left many jobs for many reasons.  None of which I need to repeat.  Been there done that. 

I wouldn’t go back to spraying down hog houses.  Shitty job.  My ears got plugged up with hog manure, true story.  Taught me to keep my ears open for opportunities.

I wouldn’t even go back to a job I loved at the time.  Managing a bar.  The work was fun, the people were fun, but the cleanup work…uugh.

Putting that aside.

One morning at a recent Central Iowa Bloggers event, I talked to Sylvia.  When she was looking for work, she went to work figuring out what she wanted to do next.  She made a list of what she liked about what she had done in the past and a list of dislikes.  Guess what she did next?

On the other side of the room, I talked to another gal.  Kelly, told me about how she has received word that she might get a pink slip at the job that she loves.  Lucky for her, she didn’t wait around for the slight chance she wouldn’t get the slip.  So, she started the job search early.   This week she received that pink slip.  Rough day. 

However, the story ends on a high note, as usual.  Later the very same day, she received word that she got another job.  Yay!  Higher paying, even!  On top of that, she’ll be able to broaden her sphere of influence and widen her repoitiore of capabilities.  Aaannndddd, because of what she went through, she stretched herself to do some things she wouldn’t otherwise have done.  She now has a more clear vision of what she is passionate about doing. 

Back to Sylvia.  Syliva continues to be passionate about doing the things on her “likes list.”  Years into it, she continues drive herself to thrive.

And as for me, if I hadn’t had all of the different jobs I have had, I wouldn’t have the core set of skills I now use to create amazing changes for people and help them use new exciting skills they didn’t know they had.

More times than not there is a silver lining.  Clear skies after turbulence.  One door closes, another door opens.  Light at the end of the tunnel.  April showers bring May flowers. 

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Autobiographies are full of examples of people losing their jobs, getting fired, quitting, being layed off, on and on.  BTW – Unsuccessful people don’t write autobiographies!  -Jade Handy #sbns

If you aren’t fired with enthusiasm, you will be fired with enthusiasm.  -Vince Lombardi #antistasis #repeater

It can be liberating to get fired because you realize the world doesn’t end. There’s other ways to make money, better jobs.  -Ron Livingston

Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.  -George Carlin #inverse

My agent said, ‘You aren’t good enough for movies.’ I said, ‘You’re fired.’  -Sally Field

There’s nothing wrong with being fired.  -Ted Turner

Worrying is like paying interest on debt never borrowed.  -friend of the family of Kelly (referenced above) #simile #aversion

Photo Credit:  http://www.flickr.com/photos/ecstaticist/ / CC BY-NC-SA 2.0

People are Never To Young or Dumb

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Posted on 16th April 2010 by Jade Handy in Let's Talk About Language |Objection Strategies |Persuasion |Relationships |Selling Language

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…to understand what they want.

Harold Jarche has written a post I had wished I had written  Shape Pattern, Not Programs.  Not so much in terms of envy, but timing.  I have been developing People are Never To Young or Dumb for a week or so.  I was waiting for the perfect anchor.  Then I stumbled upon his post.  Read on.

My comment on his post:  “This post is perfect as written.  Milan, we can not solve problems at the level they were created (Einstein paraphrase. No accuracy correction needed.)  What I got from it is what I have been telling parents like me for several years even before I had children of our own.  It’s not a child’s responsibility (parent criteria & “They are not little machines waiting to be directed by higher headquarters. “) to obey.  It’s not even on their intellectual radar.  So don’t work against the grain, go with it.  Now, I can’t tell you the long term effects as I am not that wise in years, yet, but what I do know is a child is never too young or dumb to know what they want.  Therefore utilize this.  Find what they want and leverage it.  It makes life for everyone so much easier and constructive.”

I’ll give you a specific example.  If you find that your child wants to wear a certain outfit, use this.  You’re trying to get out the door to work and say, “come on, let’s go.  I’m gonna be late.”  Guess what?  They don’t care.  Nor should they. 

What they do care about is wearing their choice of clothes.  So use this.  Say, “Johnny, do you want to wear your Bob the Buider underwear?”  Yes.  “Then get out of bed, fix your eggs and toast, find your driver’s license, and be ready to go when I’m walking out the door in 10 minutes.”  It’s funny, but it really is this easy when you get the hang of it.  Remember to return the favor, when effective.

Back to people’s “wants” mindset.  Freud’s cousin’s PR war supports this fully.  This is part 1 of 2.  Remenber, though, while watching this that I didn’t invent or conceive this idea, I just found it (a week ago. #ambiguity)

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Once, again, people are never to young or dumb to to understand what they want.  Of course, it’s not always what they need, but that’s another whole blog post.

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Zig Ziglar revived this thinking inadvertantly, maybe, with “you can get what you want if you can help enough other people get what they want.”

People are never too young or dumb to understand their wants.  -Jade Handy #sbns #simpletruth

**Special thanks to @mikesansone, @drewmclellan and @tobydiva for helping rid me of my arbitrary concept of sandbagging and rationing my posts to 1 per day.  I distinctly remember this post’s points implicitly implied by them.  They’re worth it. #alliteration #ambiguity

Tim Ferriss Reverse Engineers Himself

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Posted on 16th April 2010 by Jade Handy in Reverse Engineered

Salesperson Matrix Revisited

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Posted on 16th April 2010 by Jade Handy in Peak Performance |Persuasion

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Mark Suster obviously knows his stuff and he doesn’t need me to confirm it, that’s for sure.  In his recent post (at his bothsidesofthetable.com blog) Journeymen, Mavericks & Superstars: Understanding Salespeople at Startups, he does an excellent job at sorting salespeople out at startup companies.

He does a marvelous job of putting salespeople on a classic XY graph with innate talent on the vertical X axis and process driven on the horizontal Y axis.  This helps create 4 categories of salespeople.  Journeymen, Mavericks, Superstars, and Trouble.

I like this line of organization.  One of the only things I struggle with is the contrast of innate talent vs process driven.  I’d much rather see innate vs. learned and/or process vs. persuasion.  Why?  It makes more sense as far as a spectrum.  Opposite ends of the same stick, if you will.

In my nearly 20 plus years in the field of persuasion, I have noticed more occurances of these types contrast.  I wouldn’t even say the 4 categories have to change, either.

I have found that superstars are a more balanced combination of persuasion and process and a more balanced combination of innate talent and learned skill.  Without these balances, no salesperson is going to make a lifetime career of it.  Granted, it’s all relative to the work environment, but in general this is true.

How does this assessment assist you past Mark’s blog?  First, it gives you a more accurate and useful spectrum from which to assess new hires.  Second, it basically just re-labels what he’s calling “innate talent,” yet provides more clarity.  

How am I qualified to build on Mark’s assessment?  Maybe you’re thinking, “you can’t do that.”  As someone who promises to sort out the top talent on a team within the first few questions or role plays in my training programs with no prior player knowledge, I can tell you persuasive talent is far easier to assess in a potential hire or current employees than the more ambiguous term “innate talent.”  Also, persuasion is the end result, or at least the most important means to the end.

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“You were born to win, but to be a winner, you must plan to win, prepare to win, and expect to win.”  -Zig Ziglar #palilogia

Always be closing…That doesn’t mean you’re always closing the deal, but it does mean that you need to be always closing on the next step in the process.  -Shane Gibson #palilogia

Photo Credit:  http://www.flickr.com/photos/rosengrant/ / CC BY-ND 2.0

Equal to 10% Fruit

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Posted on 15th April 2010 by Jade Handy in Let's Talk About Language |Marketing/PR |Persuasion

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I was reading the individual packaging of a strawberry POP-tart.  “*Filling made with equal to 10% fruit.” MMMMMM, fruit, gooooooood.  I love POP-tarts.

Wait a minute.  “equal to!?”  What the heck does that mean?  I look at the filling.  No strawberry seeds in here.  What does “equal to” mean?  What is equal to 10% fruit?  Is there a synthetic equivalent of real fruit?

Is this one of those things, for example, whereby the FDA allows so much milk derivatives in “non-dairy” products?  I’m not going to talk about the more well-known examples of unpureness.

I can understand a certain amount of puffery in salesmanship e.g. “This is the best product on the market.”  Intangible, immeasureable, right?  “This is the Titanic, it’ll never sink.”  But being able to bend truth on a measurable ingredient?  Say one thing and do another?  One would think it’s either in there or not and you could say it’s in there, or not. 

I wondered, while writing this post, if they are saying it in order to plant the seed of “dairy” in your mind while not having to be held accountable to it.  Researching this further, it turns out they are. 

In fact, a couple of nefarious things are happening here.  First, they are implying the presence of dairy, while stating “non-dairy.”  Secondly, there is actually dairy derivatives in it, like casein, but they are denying that as well.  We call this “having your cake and eating it, too.”…no I will not be handing out cake to you.

So, how could you use this in your everyday persuasion?  Well, you already are, but I’m not going to explain in detail how to utilize this.  I will say, however, I have heard people talk about how they aren’t being disagreeable by posing an alternate solution.  And, I have heard people deny it, then say it.  e.g. “Please don’t take this the wrong way, but you look like your coming down with something.” 

You might think this is something our legal system has enabled, but it’s been around for quite some time.  In rhetoric, this is called #apophasis , and it’s extremely powerful.
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Imply: to tell a very small lie. -Mark T. Shirey

If I didn’t know better, I’d say apophasis is at work here, not to mention I’m being overt about it.  -Jade Handy #apophasis

 Photo Credit:  http://www.flickr.com/photos/_sk/ / CC BY-NC-SA 2.0

4th Wheel Rolling

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Posted on 14th April 2010 by Jade Handy in Relationships

No, don’t think 3rd wheel.  Don’t think middle child. (#anaphora)

It’s better.

Tonight, I had an amazing conversation over dinner with @mikesansone, the Blogfather, @DrewMclellan, and none other than @tobydiva, herself.  This is like Aristotle sitting with Plato and Socrates for the first time all together!  My teacher and the teacher’s teacher. 

I don’t even know how I ended up in the mix.  I guess sometimes all you have to do is show up in order to be a part of the show.  If you’re wondering, it was a little bit jazz and a whole lotta rock ‘n’ roll!

I was thinking this was going to be another large social media event (it wasn’t.)  This was in honor of @tobydiva coming to town for an AMA Social Media Bootcamp.  And it was, but one I’ll not soon forget.

So, what was it like, Jade?  It was like …(ok, ok, not in metaphorm.)  We sat around and talked like human beings do.  We weren’t on our devices tweeting and commenting and retweeting.  We were just talking. 

Now back to a metaphor.  It was like the walrus and polar bear scene in Planet Earth or it’s abbreviated offspring Disney Earth.  You know the drill, polar bear is hungry, so it goes on the hunt for walrus calves (me) and the community of mamas and papas look after the calves, whether or not they are their own.  Only in this story, the polar bear is ignorance.  And, they weren’t about to let me walk out of there with that affliction.

Noticing this, I just listened.  Sat back and listened.  They were busy catching up with one another and bringing each other up to speed.  I didn’t say I didn’t know what they were talking about the whole time, but I’m sure they picked up on it. They pulled me in plenty enough to let me know I was welcome at the table, though. 

Sometimes when you’re with your peeps, you gotta just be there in a supporting role.  Because if you don’t, it gets off balance and awkward real quick. 

In the end, I learned a ton, had some fun, and got to know my new chums. 

Thanks Mike Sansone, for inviting me.  Thanks Toby Bloomberg and Drew McLellan for welcoming me. (#epistrophe)

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Just a bunch of people putting their hearts online.  -Drew McClellan #synecdoche

To rhyme is not a crime.  -Jade Handy #sbns

Photo Credit:  http://www.flickr.com/photos/oskay/ / CC BY 2.0

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