I Shouldn’t Have To

by Jade Handy on March 18, 2010

In all my years of selling, probably the most prevalent mindset among non-performers is the mindset of “I shouldn’t have to.”  Either the product should sell itself, the company should advertise more, giving them a brochure should be enough, or the customer is an idiot if they don’t buy it.  All of these attitudes get a person…no where.

Currently, I’m reading a political-based rhetoric book.  I won’t reveal the title or the political slant for three reasons.  Number one, I’m not of this particular party or movement.  I’m merely gleaning the persuasive elements that it specifically teaches.  Number two, you’ll get more from this post if I don’t.  You should just want to learn what it has to teach you.  And, that’s not the frame I’m going for here.  And thirdly, the psychological concepts are neutrally effective and more historically established than the particular content, anyway.

For quite a number of years now, I have lived by the following mental frame - Should is s—, that’s what isn’t.  You have to deal with what is.  Why?  Because whether or not it’s true, it’s empowering me to focus on knowing the difference between those things I can change and those that I cannot.  And, when I can, I must.  I must adjust the response I’m getting until I get what I want. 

The political book I was talking about sets out the most detrimental frames of it’s followers.  The negative frames are “the truth will set us free.  If we just tell people the facts, since people are basically rational beings, they’ll all reach the right conclusions.  But we know from cognitive science that people do not think like that.”  Also, we know this from common sense.

Going back to selling, what do you think is the mindset of top performers?  Blow with the wind or adjust your sails?…  That’s right.  Good ears, too, by the way.  I’m explaining this by setting a frame, so that you’ll see it differently.

Now let’s move towards the intended context of this article.  Relationships.  Between people, mostly.  Improving domestic relationships are particularly challenging.  First of all, you have two individuals that have to find a way to get along ’til death do they part.  Secondly, they have to find ways to motivate each other to do certain things throughout.  I know what you’re saying to yourself, “I shouldn’t have to, they should just want to.”  Or some variation.

But, now that we’ve framed this for you, you can think of it differently now.  If you’re wondering how to use this, specifically, what you have just learned, then read all of my other posts to date.  Another way is to follow my public appearances.

____________________________________

Say what you mean, mean what you say.  -unknown (#chiasmus for you Twitterers)

Everyone wants the other person to make them happy, so go first!  -Jade Handy (#ambiguity for you Twitterers)

Photo Credit: flickr.com – rgordon / CC BY-NC-ND 2.0

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  • http://principlesoffailure.blogspot.com/ SHerdegen

    I used this phrase recently in a tweet: “Authors shouldn’t have to be social media experts.” It was intended to arouse interest in my blog post about the increasing expectation publishers have for authors to bring readership with them to the table.

    Many publishers now quite openly admit marketing is the job of the author and rely on the author’s established “tribe” to purchase the book. This puts authors in the awkward position of now having to run their own marketing campaigns.

    Experts in the writing/publishing industry have recommended authors start early to establish a platform for interacting with fans or potential fans through a variety of social media sites.

    This is good advice given the current publishing climate. My case is simply that authors are not equipped to run a full-on marketing campaign and economic theory would predict this arrangement will not last for long.

    Authors are not marketers and it makes sense for them to focus on what they do best (writing) rather than learn a new skill. (A skill, by the way, which some people already specialize in.) Authors should let marketing specialists do the marketing and focus instead on writing.

    In the past these costs have been borne by the publisher but I predict they will in the future be borne by the author. This does not fundamentally change the economic argument that authors shouldn’t be doing both things as it’s more efficient for people to specialize.

    So, while I take the point this post makes—and it’s a good one—I think it is fair to say authors shouldn’t have to be social media experts too. It’s another way of saying, they don’t have to, and they won’t for long. Market forces will arbitrage inefficiencies too quickly.

    Thanks for writing this post and for sharing your thoughts on mine.

  • http://stateofmindcoaching.com/ Jade Handy

    You, most definitely, are still right. I was merely building off the language of “I shouldn't have to.” In no way was I exerting my lack of expertise in this area.

    From a peak performance standpoint, my post actually builds on yours in that whom ever is saying this, be it the author or publishers, improves their take in sales by taking the bull by the horns. Somebody has to do it.

    Recently, I have been working with a budding author who was was hesitant in jumping into the whole social media marketing thing. She is now very excited about capitalizing on these very changes in the industry by diving into Twitter, blogging, etc. And she feels like she will have a leg up on the competition by doing so.

    My post was mainly for her and others like her in an attempt to reinforce personal responsibility and a feeling of control over their future in the event that a publisher requires it. In the mean time, she's learning and writing (a big part of social media.)

    If writers and agents are reading our articles, then they'll see that my post supports your post in encouraging them to get with the new program and take responsibility for getting their message out there.

    And, basically, we should do what we should do AND do what we don't think we should do.

    Another benefit of social media is hanging it out there. http://stateofmindcoaching.com/2010/03/there-fo…

    I firmly support your beliefs about marketers doing the marketing, publishers publishing and authors authoring.

    Thanks, sincerely, for taking the time to comment. I like your writing, will be retweeting in the future and look forward to future dialog.

  • http://principlesoffailure.blogspot.com/ SHerdegen

    Jade,

    Believe me, no offense was taken on my part. I enjoyed reading your thoughts and, as you say, I think we’re both seeing the same picture.

    I like your point about authors or publishers taking the bull by the horns with regards to social media and marketing. Very true.

    Authors just need to ensure they’re getting a fair slice of the pie and not handing too much over to the publisher for work the author does in promoting and marketing their book.

    Many authors are turning to collaborative or self-publishers for this very reason; if they’re going to have to do the marketing anyway, they might as well get more of the take.

    Anyway, nice chatting with you. Looking forward to your next post.

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  • http://stateofmindcoaching.com/ Jade Handy

    I finally found the perfect quote to go with this blog and the concept I was getting at – “The object of oratory alone is not truth, but persuasion.” -Thomas Babington Macaulay

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