How to Get Common Ground

Some people are different than us, yet the same in some ways.

The other night at a mixer I was reminded of a core skill involved in building rapport. Finding common ground. You remember the saying, “In matters of style, swim with the current; in matters of principle, stand like a rock.” Well, sometimes we have to engage in this thinking in order to get there (where “there” is common ground.)

One really easy way to gain common ground is to quote a movie line that has a high potential of common ground. Do you have to believe the quote? No. Do you have to have been the actor who said it? No. Can you utilize the quote to gain common ground? Yes, of course. Throughout your conversation with the person, you can refer back to the quote, the movie the actors, and other movies of similar genre, generation and likeness.

This may seem a little out there for those without a strong outward sense of humor, but let me tell you, statistically, you’re going to be passed up by someone who does.

In fact, one of the most successful salespeople I know of does this constantly and never-endingly in order to establish common ground and reaccess it continually throughout his relationships. He does this not only with the words of the quote, themselves, but also with the tonality that goes along with it. Now, in all fairness, he’s pretty experienced doing it and therefore feels very comfortable doing it, but how do you think he got there? That’s right, by starting off just like you. Now, start where ever you are in your development ’cause developmentally you are where you are, and can’t necessarily start anywhere else unless, of course you want to just try something completely new and experience all the energy and exhilaration that goes along with it!

I just said that to get you to think about it from a new perspective. Eventually, you’re going to have to come out from behind the counter.

Try this next time you’re speaking with someone with whom you want to create common ground. Then, think of something that you both might have in common and comment on it or find a way to sneak it into the conversation. For example, if you’re talking to someone who is at least in their late thirties who is talking about someone who is high-strung or stressed out, say, “It’s like the movie Stripes, tell them ‘Lighten up, Francis.’” If the person wasn’t living in a cave from 1981 until …today, they’ll be able to relate. If they can’t? Move on to someone who can relate to something that you both, in fact, have in common.

In a future post, we’ll dive deeper into how to move up from the specific details that differentiate us, like they are male, you are female; they’re from Botswana, you’re from Idaho; and they think killer whales should not be kept in a tank, but you do. The future post will talk about how we can, instead, bring up topics that have to do with the fact that we’re both human and deal with similar experiences due to us both being from Earth and neither of us currently working at Sea World! The post will, basically, be about NOT creating differences, but moving upwards in terms of categories that unite our differences. Maybe I’ll call it Moving to a ‘Weee World‘
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In matters of style, swim with the current; in matters of principle, stand like a rock. -Thomas Jefferson

Can’t we all just get along!? -You and me, both

Photo Credit: http://www.flickr.com/photos/x-ray_delta_one/ / CC BY-SA 2.0