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Isn’t That Manipulative

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Posted on 31st March 2010 by Jade Handy in Let's Talk About Language |Objection Strategies |Persuasion

Yes.  But, who are we kidding?  Isn’t that what’s going on all the time everywhere, anyway?  Oh, you mean purposely manipulative.  Yes.  But, isn’t that what people are paying you and me to do?  Change their mind and keep the change?  Create and keep a customer?  Oh, you actually mean maliciously – malice intent.

Then, no.  And, I might add that that is your connotation of the word. The denotation of a word is something else, all together.  My point is that connotation and denotation are a figure of speech. Specifically, they fall under several sub-categories, as well.  Figures of speech are commonplace and are completely necessary because they frame what you say in order for the message you’re sending to be accepted. 

What’s the take-away?  It’s that if you believe that figures of speech are bad, and you believe manipulation is manipulative, then it’s still a difference between connotation and denotation and to know the difference and assume one over the other is to impose your connotation on my message.  Isn’t manipulative?(#ambiguity) 

Essentially, what you’re doing is putting words in my mouth and forcing me defend what I haven’t said.  (That too is effective, but not what we’re talking about here.)  Whether I do or not is up to me.  The more important argument here is whether or not a message has a malicious slant or intention that is not conducive to collective outcome(#prosopopoeia.)  ‘Do you have good intentions with your communication?’ is the real question at hand.  And, for that, it’s best to go with your gut and do the right thing regardless of what people might say.  After all, you can’t please all the people all the time.

Before writing this post, part of me asked “if this isn’t an issue, should I make it one?”  Then I decided to inoculate against any future attacks.  Someone has to fight for what’s right.  And what’s right is to have the right to use rhetorical figures to get attention, captivate, and persuade.

After all, what if JFK hadn’t use the #antimetabole figure of speech when he said, “Ask not what you’re country can do for you, …”?  Maybe you’re saying, ‘you sir, are no John F Kennedy.’ (misquote of #strawman, by the way)  You’d be right, and nor is my intention malicious.

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The basic tool for the manipulation of reality is the manipulation of words. If you can control the meaning of words, you can control the people who must use the words.  -Philip K. Dick  (#enthymeme figure for you Twitterers)

In all matters of opinion, our adversaries are insane.  -Mark Twain (#ad hominem figure for you Twitterers)

Photo Credit: Buzznet.com

There for the Taking

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Posted on 30th March 2010 by Jade Handy in Peak Performance

You never know who’s going to take an interest in what you’re putting out there.  Take this post, for example.  Just because the owner put a valuable tool out there, I took it and put it in my post. 

There are very few, if any, interests that have an audience of one.  Meaning, if you have an interest, there are probably hundreds, thousands, possibly millions of people just like you, like me, like others that have the same interest.

This is the quote of the day:

This is the random quote:

Both of the above are embeds from quotesinternet.com.  I found them via @Rob_Ross, who, lucky for him, had the foresight to follow me on Twitter.

This all sounds random, but really, it’s not.  It’s all about motivation.  Motivation to put your “stuff” out there for the world to see.  See, if you want the world to experience you, you need to give them the opportunity to.  (if this paragraph sounds catchy, it’s because I want it to be sticky)

So, there you have it, There for the Taking.

RSS This ASAP!

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Posted on 26th March 2010 by Jade Handy in Let's Talk About Language |Persuasion

That’s one way of getting your attention.  This is what you find when you’re putting together posts at 2:00 am on a school night after a rough night of drinking…coffee!

Friday is fun day.  Acronyms in rhetorical terms is part of skotison and has been around for a while.  I guess today’s teenagers didn’t invent it! (#skotison for you Twitterers) @deedonk starts ripping into them at 00:01:00, or so.

Don’t like this?  Maybe we ought to reject the term CCTV, as well (shameless outpost setup.)

The only time you ought to be using #skotison is playfully with peers in order to get common ground, unless is darn funny! (shameless inpost setup.)

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“Information Superhighway is really an acronym for ‘Interactive Network For Organizing, Retrieving, Manipulating, Accessing And Transferring Information On National Systems, Unleashing Practically Every Rebellious Human Intelligence, Gratifying Hacker”  -Kevin Kwaku quotes

“Re-branding FEMA doesn’t fix the problem; it just puts a new acronym on it.”  -David Marin

Photo Credit: Duh!

I Say This Chiastically

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Posted on 24th March 2010 by Jade Handy in Let's Talk About Language |Persuasion |Relationships

A lot of people are thinking, “How would I ever use this?”  And, that’s a great place to start now that you’re here with me reading what I’m writing.  As I’m writing what you’ll be reading, I hear you now starting to put yourself in a great state to use this the same way you’re connecting with people.. a lot, already!

When you’re talking with someone, typically, you’re not pulling out one-line chiasmuses left and right.  So, how else can you use this?  Well, let’s say a friend of yours feels like she’s starting over.  Starting over feels like, well, starting over.

I remember when I was 18-19-ish.  I was in the midst of some of the most rapid changes a person goes through.  Having just gotten my driver’s permit, my license, and my first car.  I went off into the world.  I wasn’t homeless, but I was without a home.  Traveling from city to city, state to state.  Having a blast having life by the ba***.  No cares, no worries, no wisdom or experience!  Just raw unadulterated gusto!  Ah, that was the life.  If only the younger me had the wisdom and experience I have now.  Think of the possibilities. 

Then there’s now.  I have the wisdom and experience (arguably.)  I have everything (relatively speaking) I wished I had back then.  And I do.  Thinking about having the best of both worlds, now, is even more exciting.  There’s nothing more exhilarating than putting the the gusto and chutzpah of my youth together with the all the benefits I have acquired along the way. 

It’s like a snowball rolling down a hill.  Gathering up snow and tossing off a twig or two along the way.  When it gets to the bottom, it’s bigger than it ever was.  A cute snowman, perhaps.  That’s when the children most like to play with it.  It just attracts them.  Then remembering how it started and where it’s going from here.

So, the chiasmus pattern works like this.  In youth, having experience; having experience, along with youth.  Tie it all together with another metaphor (snowball,) and there you have it.  Something that sticks with you.  Whether you consciously understand it or not.

Not only that, but you get the agreement up front (having experience as a youth would have been great) and then lock it in with what empowers a new perspective on your life, or hers, I mean.  It’s kind of like the rhetorical argumentum a fortiori figure, where if something less likely has occured, then something more likely is more likely to occur.

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“…ask not what your country can do for you — ask what you can do for your country.” John F. Kennedy Inaugural Address, January 20, 1961. (If this pattern changed a whole generation, surely it can change you) ( #chiasmusfor you Twitterers)

“You have seen how a man was made a slave; you shall see how a slave was made a man.” Frederick Douglass, Narrative of the Life of Frederick Douglass, an American Slave, Written by Himself (If this pattern helped changed a whole race, surely it can help change you) (#chiasmusfor you Twitterers)

Photo Credit: http://www.flickr.com/photos/mehradhm/ / CC BY-NC-SA 2.0

You’re So Vain

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Posted on 24th March 2010 by Jade Handy in Coaching |Let's Talk About Language |Relationships

You probably think this post is about you, don’t you, don’t you…

It’s not. 

It’s about the life of a butterfly.  Everyone knows a butterfly starts off as a thought between two caterpillars.  Then, eggs appear on a leaf.  Next, the eggs pop and out comes junior.  Junior runs around.  Junior runs away.  Junior gets a straight jacket put on him just for living day to day.  Frustrated, yet focused, he finds his way.  Out of the Chrysalis, actually, tearing through the chrysalis, the butterfly spreads his wings and…flies compete for it’s air.  That’s what drives us.  The ambiguity of it all, that is.

Paul Sloane does us all a solid with Brilliant Thinkers Relish Ambiguity.  “Brilliant thinkers are very comfortable with ambiguity – they welcome it. Routine thinkers like clarity and simplicity; they dislike ambiguity. There is a tendency in our society to reduce complex issues down to simple issues with obviously clear solutions.”  Are you routine or brilliant?

If your answer is brilliant, which it is, then once more “If we want creative solutions and real innovations then we should welcome ambiguity. We should explore the possibilities of two different things interacting together. We should let opposites play.”  Are you thinking what I’m thinking?

Are you familiar with the Archimedes Effect?  How else are you going to “understand how to take what you’re doing in one instance and extend it out into something bigger or better elsewhere? …Leverage is behind all the most powerful people in the world, but it all starts somewhere.” says Chris Brogan (what does he know, right?). 

There’s not a whole lot of ambiguity going on here, so create your own. 

Here’s what I say, “Understanding and implementing the Archimedes Effect is the same as understanding the life cycle of a butterfly.  So, show the butterfly how to implement this.”

Photo Credit: http://www.flickr.com/photos/ecstaticist/ / CC BY-NC-SA 2.0

Employ Through Simulations

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Posted on 23rd March 2010 by Jade Handy in At Your Best |Peak Performance

Dave Stein has written a solid post on Why You Should Employ Simulations For Sales Hiring.   

I, too, am a big fan of simulations for hiring.  Unless the new hire’s job will be interviewing other people, the traditional interview doesn’t reveal all the important information about how a prospect persuades. Maybe you’re thinking, “I shouldn’t have to.”

I’ll never forget when I was in college.  There was a very successful local office supplies store (sounds past tense, but only because the owners sold out for boo koo bucks!).  It was well-known that the interview, in order to get a sales job, entailed selling the 3 bigwigs a pencil.  They were no push-overs.  And, a pencil?! Egad!

I often ran scenarios through my mind how I would answer that request…  I would start something like this, “So you are interested in buying a pencil.” 

Simulations sound like a good idea.  And they are.  Worth the time and expense?  To get the right person, yeah! (thinking Dumb and Dumber here, Lloyd: Mock! Harry: Yeah!  Lloyd: Ing! Harry: Yeah! Lloyd: Bird! Harry: Yeah!) Now reread this paragraph where it says…”to get the right person, yeah!”  Much funnier.

Back to simulations.  Not only for sales positions, though.  Most companies are asking scenario-based questions, but how many are putting the prospective employee in as-real-to-life-as-possible situations in order to track their stress response?  You do want to know how they handle stress, don’t you?  As well as, their natural tendencies. 

“Sell me this pencil” is better than “Tell me about a time when you…” is better than “How would you sell me this pencil?” is better than “What’s you’re selling style?” is better than “Are you a good sales person?”  You can ask someone how they react to being scared, or you can pop out from behind the door and “BOO!”

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Do you want imitation crab or the real thing?  -Jade Handy (#repeater for you Twitterers)

The actor apes a man –at least in shape; The opera performer apes and ape.”  -Ambrose Bierce ( #repeater for you Twitterers)

Photo Credit: http://www.flickr.com/photos/fun3/ / CC BY-NC 2.0

The Right Watch, It Makes a Difference.

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Posted on 22nd March 2010 by Jade Handy in At Your Best |Persuasion

I have been watching blog posts roll through my Google Reader lately.  And two posts caught my attention.  They both have to do with watches.  Why watches?  I have no idea.  Why not suites, shoes, or head bands?

In The Wrong Watch.  What are you communicating?, Mari Pat Varga pulls a Three Bears approach to watch what your wearing, doing and communicating.  Under-qualified, overqualified and just plain out of touch.  Don’t let this be you, read the article and take heed.

In What Do You Know About Her? , Sales Posse drills it down.  Pictured is a neck down photo of a business woman wearing a gold stopwatch. With the following comments.  “Watches display power. The larger the watch, the more power. Notice the three buttons on the side. One probably serves as a stop watch, so she may wear it for athletic events as well.”  But, personally, I think it just says she doesn’t know how to wear what looks good!  Just wear what looks good.  If you don’t know, watch and replicate what you see people you respect wearing.

Coincidentally, the morning of the day I found these posts, I tweeted “Something’s going to dominate someone’s impression of you. -Simple, but not simpler”  I kid you not!

I can’t say this is what every trainer should be doing. I was at a seminar in Orlando just a few years ago now.  My friend, Robert, and I were just walking into Universal Studios.  I stopped in the surfer shop right there as you enter.  I told him I wanted to stop in and look at watches.  Normally I don’t go jewelry shopping with other men, but I did this time.  He tells me about a time he was meeting with a C-level lady for a sales appointment.  He said the lady asked him about his watch.  She said he was the first guy with real style in watches, so she bought his training program.  Next thing you know, I’m the one walking out with the most expensive watch I have ever bought!  I’m a sucker for watches, anyways, but to hear about an ROI on one, just more justification on the cake!

Hey!?  Bad decision or big impression?  Later that night, we were at Pat O’Brien’s® in Universal CityWalk® and a gal from a Colorado-based finance company commented on my watch and next thing you know we are talking about her bringing me into her company.

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You never get a second chance to make a first impression.  -Author unconfirmed

Outside of a dog, a watch is man’s best friend. Inside a dog, it’s too dark to tell time.  -Groucho Marx

Photo Credit: http://www.flickr.com/photos/29225114@N08/ / CC BY-NC-SA 2.0

Obviously

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Posted on 19th March 2010 by Jade Handy in Let's Talk About Language |Persuasion |Selling Language

, , , ,

Just a guess here, but if I had to say, I’d say this grabbed your attention enough to read it.  Fair enough?  OK.  How many times have you went to say something that you wanted  to say and the person really ought to want to hear only to find 3 seconds into it that the message it’s not going to be received?  One too many to count?  Me three.

What’s going on here?  Well, what’s going on here is that I’m setting a frame for this post, obviously.  I have posted previously on getting ideas accepted, easily.  Maybe you have read them, maybe you think you shouldn’t have to.  Either way, you’re bound to keep reading this message until you get the point. 

Sometimes, reluctantly, sometimes not, we have to do something that we have not done consciously previously in order to do something new.  Doing something new is bound to get you a different response.  In fact, if what you’re doing isn’t working, then anything else has a better chance of succeeding, am I right? 

What can you do differently in order to get a different result?  How about taking a moment before you say something to think about how you want that message to be received and then put a frame around it.  Or, better yet, build the frame and then put your ideas in it. 

How do you do this?  I don’t know, how do you do this?  One way is to say something three times.  Say what your going to say, say it, then tell them what you told them.  Make a sandwich.  Yet another way is telling some type of a story or metaphor that matches their beliefs and/or values, then reveal your idea that fits.  Asking questions is always a good idea.  And last, but not least, is what I’ve been doing this whole post, and that is to use well-selected words or phrases before or after inserting thoughts.  Check my work.

FYI – Politicians do this all the time. Not check my work, but frame messages!

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Framing is powerful, framing is fun, framing’s effective for everyone!  -Jade Handy ( #conduplicatio for you Twitterers)

Comedy is very controlling – you are making people laugh. -Gilda Radner

A lot of us have jobs where we need to give people structure but that is different from controlling.  -Keith Miller 

Photo Credit:  http://www.flickr.com/photos/extranoise/ / CC BY 2.0

I Shouldn’t Have To

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Posted on 18th March 2010 by Jade Handy in Coaching |Let's Talk About Language |Peak Performance |Persuasion |Relationships

In all my years of selling, probably the most prevalent mindset among non-performers is the mindset of “I shouldn’t have to.”  Either the product should sell itself, the company should advertise more, giving them a brochure should be enough, or the customer is an idiot if they don’t buy it.  All of these attitudes get a person…no where.

Currently, I’m reading a political-based rhetoric book.  I won’t reveal the title or the political slant for three reasons.  Number one, I’m not of this particular party or movement.  I’m merely gleaning the persuasive elements that it specifically teaches.  Number two, you’ll get more from this post if I don’t.  You should just want to learn what it has to teach you.  And, that’s not the frame I’m going for here.  And thirdly, the psychological concepts are neutrally effective and more historically established than the particular content, anyway.

For quite a number of years now, I have lived by the following mental frame - Should is s—, that’s what isn’t.  You have to deal with what is.  Why?  Because whether or not it’s true, it’s empowering me to focus on knowing the difference between those things I can change and those that I cannot.  And, when I can, I must.  I must adjust the response I’m getting until I get what I want. 

The political book I was talking about sets out the most detrimental frames of it’s followers.  The negative frames are “the truth will set us free.  If we just tell people the facts, since people are basically rational beings, they’ll all reach the right conclusions.  But we know from cognitive science that people do not think like that.”  Also, we know this from common sense.

Going back to selling, what do you think is the mindset of top performers?  Blow with the wind or adjust your sails?…  That’s right.  Good ears, too, by the way.  I’m explaining this by setting a frame, so that you’ll see it differently.

Now let’s move towards the intended context of this article.  Relationships.  Between people, mostly.  Improving domestic relationships are particularly challenging.  First of all, you have two individuals that have to find a way to get along ’til death do they part.  Secondly, they have to find ways to motivate each other to do certain things throughout.  I know what you’re saying to yourself, “I shouldn’t have to, they should just want to.”  Or some variation.

But, now that we’ve framed this for you, you can think of it differently now.  If you’re wondering how to use this, specifically, what you have just learned, then read all of my other posts to date.  Another way is to follow my public appearances.

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Say what you mean, mean what you say.  -unknown (#chiasmus for you Twitterers)

Everyone wants the other person to make them happy, so go first!  -Jade Handy (#ambiguity for you Twitterers)

Photo Credit: flickr.com – rgordon / CC BY-NC-ND 2.0

Constantly be asking, “How can I use this?”

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Posted on 17th March 2010 by Jade Handy in Coaching |Peak Performance |Persuasion |Selling Language |Sports and Athletes

Asking myself this one question, more than any other, has gotten me further than any other question.  Creating and/or cultivating this habit will open your eyes to new possibilities.  It will open up the possibilities of leveraging the Archimedes Principle outlined in Trust Agents. 

Most people probably only ask themselves this in dire emergencies like when they are being attacked and all they have at their disposal is a 10 inch knife!  Sarcasm and wit aside, utilization is the elusive obvious.  It’s also what’s behind my favorite weapon, the “Are you trying to build my argument or yours with that objection?” rebuttal mindset.  In other words, “whatever you say bolsters my agenda,” which is to help us come to an agreement. 

This post answers the question, “What questions should I be asking?” that was asked in an earlier post.

You might be thinking to yourself, “I don’t need to ask myself, “How can I use this?”  But, let me get through to you with this - ”That’s exactly why you do!”  ‘Cause the fact that you aren’t thinking this way is exactly what’s going to be your downfall if you are communicating with someone who does use it, because using this with someone who’s communicating with you that way matches wit for wit. 

Wit is called wit for a reason, you know.  Are you telling yourself this is a good idea, yet?  Now, you are.  Or rather, just did.  Or… maybe not at all, but either way, it’s being used on you.  How do I know this?  ‘Cause I’m not the only one using it.  In fact, I learned it from someone already using it.  Surprise!

OK, back to utilization.  How else are you going to bridge the gap between what you’re doing now and what you’d rather be doing?  Of course, by asking yourself, “What do I want?  Where am I now, along the path to getting there?  And, what do I currently have that’ll get me there?”  If you’re not asking these questions consciously, you’re asking it unconsciously.  Hard to dispute this too, isn’t it? 

Am I just rambling?  Maybe, maybe not.  Maybe I’m using what I blog about while I’m blogging about it in order to get the messages to stick – practice what I preach.  Isn’t that why you’re reading this to begin with?  Because you want to pick up what I’m putting down?  Or else why bother reading it to begin with. 

If you haven’t, by now, picked up a few strategies you can use, reread.

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Utilize
To make useful; to turn to profitable account or use; to make use of; as, to utilize the whole power of a machine; to utilize one’s opportunities.  -Brainy Quote
 
Obviously, the highest type of efficiency is that which can utilize existing material to the best advantage.  -Jawaharlal Nehru
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Great Moments to do Something Great

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Posted on 11th March 2010 by Jade Handy in Coaching |Peak Performance |Sports and Athletes

I was asked recently to give some advice to someone who is literally going off into the world.  Having just met her recently, as well, I had to think on my feet in order to get some common ground so that she would hear the message.   

At first, I didn’t really know what to say in this moment, so I told her a story.  I told her that when I was in high school, I tried several different sports.  Specifically, track, football and wrestling.

Track didn’t last long.  Less than one season.  Football didn’t last long.  One season.  Football was especially annoying.  I wanted to like it, but certain factors made it hard to like.  Like the fact that at the start of the season it’s extremely hot.  At the end of the season it’s extremely cold.  In between, better. 

I especially didn’t like practicing hard all week long, sweating & freezing, only to get a couple good hits in the game on Friday night.  Getting good hits on Friday night under the lights is what it was all about for me.  Partly because I enjoyed being in the spotlight(pun intended) and partly because I enjoyed crushing my opponent.  Too much testosterone you say?  Accepted.

Wrestling, on the other hand, was different.  I acted on the daily opportunity to crush and be crushed.  Freshman and sophomore years were the worst for getting crushed.  I can remember certain upperclassmen trying purposely to hurt us underclassmen, even.  The other upperclassmen who didn’t were just painfully better at it. 

Eventually, it was our turn to continue this tradition, and we took full advantage, of course.  Getting beat up the first couple of years taught us how to reciprocate the hate (hyperbole needed for the rhyme.)  We learned.

Somewhere during the sports stories, I thought of the advice I would give her.  I found what I loved, I actively participated and developed my skill level, and was able to go full force every single day in the gym. So, I told her Don’t wait for a great moment to do something great.  Find an environment in your world that you can do great things every day.

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Do what you love and love what you do.  -Wayne Dyer ( #chiasmusfor you Twitterers)
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Choose a job you love, and you will never have to work a day in your life.   -Confucius ( #exergasiafor you Twitterers)
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Shameless Self-Promotion March 2010

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Posted on 10th March 2010 by Jade Handy in Public Appearances

Todd Razor

A fantastic article written by Todd Razor.  This week in the Business Record.  “Focus” section, did they plan that!?  In this article, Todd does an amazing job of revealing the critical core elements of what makes my training programs so unique.  It’s a quick read.  Pick up the paper and subscribe, as well!

Ernest Phillips

March 18, I’ll be the guest on Ernest Phillips’ TUG Talk: It’s All About Relationships.  Hosted at World Wide Local Live Thursday from 8:00PM to 9:00PM for your listening and viewing pleasure.  Call in as a guest for us to Reverse Engineer and/or Re-Engineer, softly.  Be the one who comes away from it with the change you’ve always wanted!

Click here to listen/watch at 8:00 PM  To call in as a listener (888) 327-1007 OR (515) 327-1007

How to Get Common Ground

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Posted on 8th March 2010 by Jade Handy in Peak Performance |Persuasion

Some people are different than us, yet the same in some ways. 

The other night at a mixer I was reminded of a core skill involved in building rapport.  Finding common ground.  You remember the saying, “In matters of style, swim with the current; in matters of principle, stand like a rock.”  Well, sometimes we have to engage in this thinking in order to get there (where “there” is common ground.)

One really easy way to gain common ground is to quote a movie line that has a high potential of common ground.  Do you have to believe the quote?  No.  Do you have to have been the actor who said it? No.  Can you utilize the quote to gain common ground?  Yes, of course.  Throughout your conversation with the person, you can refer back to the quote, the movie the actors, and other movies of similar genre, generation and likeness.

This may seem a little out there for those without a strong outward sense of humor, but let me tell you, statistically, you’re going to be passed up by someone who does.

In fact, one of the most successful salespeople I know of does this constantly and never-endingly in order to establish common ground and reaccess it continually throughout his relationships.  He does this not only with the words of the quote, themselves, but also with the tonality that goes along with it.  Now, in all fairness, he’s pretty experienced doing it and therefore feels very comfortable doing it, but how do you think he got there?  That’s right, by starting off just like you.  Now, start where ever you are in your development ’cause developmentally you are where you are, and can’t necessarily start anywhere else unless, of course you want to just try something completely new and experience all the energy and exhilaration that goes along with it! 

I just said that to get you to think about it from a new perspective.  Eventually, you’re going to have to come out from behind the counter.

Try this next time you’re speaking with someone with whom you want to create common ground.  Then, think of something that you both might have in common and comment on it or find a way to sneak it into the conversation.  For example, if you’re talking to someone who is at least in their late thirties who is talking about someone who is high-strung or stressed out, say, “It’s like the movie Stripes, tell them ‘Lighten up, Francis.’”  If the person wasn’t living in a cave from 1981 until …today, they’ll be able to relate.  If they can’t?  Move on to someone who can relate to something that you both, in fact,  have in common.

In a future post, we’ll dive deeper into how to move up from the specific details that differentiate us, like they are male, you are female; they’re from Botswana, you’re from Idaho; and they think killer whales should not be kept in a tank, but you do.  The future post will talk about how we can, instead, bring up topics that have to do with the fact that we’re both human and deal with similar experiences due to us both being from Earth and neither of us currently working at Sea World!  The post will, basically, be about NOT creating differences, but moving upwards in terms of categories that unite our differences.  Maybe I’ll call it Moving to a ‘Weee World‘
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In matters of style, swim with the current; in matters of principle, stand like a rock.  -Thomas Jefferson

Can’t we all just get along!?  -You and me, both

Photo Credit:  http://www.flickr.com/photos/x-ray_delta_one/ / CC BY-SA 2.0

Make it Catchy to Make it Sticky vol.1

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Posted on 4th March 2010 by Jade Handy in Let's Talk About Language |Peak Performance |Persuasion |Selling Language

What makes what you say sticky?  Do you even want what you say to be sticky?  Let me ask you, “After you’re not in front of the person, do you want them to remember what you said?”  If you want them to remember what you said, then, you want it to be sticky.  When the person is off alone or talking to others about what you and they were talking about, they’ll either be using their words, your competitors’ words or Your Words.

Once you have decided what you want them to remember, set it and forget it.  Here’s how.  Study all the great literature throughout all of history.  Greak and Roman rhetoric, all the religions, literary geniuses…just kidding.  Better yet, just adopt some of their structure.  Like, for example, how to make things sticky. 

Get prepared by getting a pen and a piece of paper.

1. Write down the main Feature, Advantage or Benefit you want to stick. e.g.  “The chair just sits there.”  What?  Too simple?  Did you think I was going to spoon feed you everything?  Get your own F, A, or B.

Let’s make this simple, but not simpler.

2. Repeat the last sound.  e.g.  “Set it and forget it.”  Notice I used this two paragraphs ago.

3. Repeat the first sound.  e.g.  “Here’s how.”  Notice I used this two paragraphs ago.

Now, for you more advanced learners.  Let’s take my “The chair just sits there” example and make it catchy. 

4. Repeat the first word(s) of the sentence.  e.g. ”The chair just sits there, the chair sits waiting.”  Poetic, isn’t it.

5. Repeat the last word(s). e.g. ”The chair just sits there, a person just sits there.  Does this mean they are the same?”

Now, let’s really stretch ourselves for the very difficult next two.

6. Have the last last word(s) be the first word(s) of the next sentence.  Then, repeat (optional.) e.g.  “The chair just sits there, sitting there doing nothing, nothing of value anyways, anyway to change it? Change it to a ladder, whether the former or the ladder, it is what it is.”  Sound familiar?  Yes, it’s the same structure used in the child song Dem Bones, “the toe bone connected to the foot bone, the foot bone connected to the leg bone…” 

7. Flip-Flop it.  Notice the concept AB -> BA e.g. “The chair just sits there, there sitting just a chair, until something else.”

Granted, it’s much easier to do it naturally, but just remember, Make it Catchy to Make it Sticky.

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I’ve gotta be your damn conscience. I’m tired of being your conscience. I don’t enjoy being your conscience.  -Dr. Wilson to Dr. House in House

Don’t you ever talk about my friends! You don’t know any of my friends. You don’t look at any of my friends. And you certainly wouldn’t condescend to speak to any of my friends.  -John Bender in Breakfast Club

Photo Credit: Flickr & pagedooley

It’s Much Easier To Do It Naturally

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Posted on 3rd March 2010 by Jade Handy in Coaching |Peak Performance

But what if you’re not?  2nd easiest is to learn it from someone who is.  But what if you don’t know anyone?  Meet someone.  But what if I’m not good at meeting people?  Start here.

The top organizations out there spend a lot of time training employees.  Do you work for one?  Most of the time, a new employee starts by riding with, sitting with or talking with one of the top performers.  This is a great place to start.  Better yet, it’s a great place to continue.  When employees job shadow each other throughout their tenure, they are more likely to perform at a higher level.  How can I say this? 

The top performers I’ve had the privilege to watch and talk with have all mentioned that they learn best this way.  They usually don’t just come out and say it, they talk about it it the general course of our conversation.  Which, by the way, is the best way to get someone’s operating patterns.  More on that later, though.  Back to how they learn best.  When I get them talking about where, how and when they learned certain things, it’s almost never from a speaker, in a book or audio program, even.  It’s consistently “from so and so” that they job shadowed. 

So what does this all mean?  It means that if you’re an manager of people or the person managed, find opportunities to job shadow the top performers.  If you are a top performer, job shadow others, anyways.  Typically, the only difference between middle performers and top performers is either 1. Work Flow Efficiency or 2. Persuasion Effectiveness. Middle performers have great skills, you just have to search for them.  When job shadowing with middle performers, top performers now “it” when they see and hear “it.” 

Middle performers job shadowing middle performers have a tougher time disseminating effective persuasion effectiveness, but it is still a good idea.  They can be thrown off by drive-by successes.  Meaning, they fall into the false success hole of thinking something is effective when, more likely than not, it was something else working in their favor.  This creates confusion about what truly works and what doesn’t.  None the less, though, job shadowing IS the best form of learning for all parties involved.

The National Training Laboratories is (possibly falsely) credited with producing the foremost document stating that teaching each other is the most effective format for learning.  The learning pyramid shows the average learning retention rate is 90%! when you teach others.  That’s exactly what is happening when you job shadow.  You teach them. They teach you through a natural learning process. Learn from others. Would you rather do it the hard way or the easy way?

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Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn from the experience of others, are also remarkable for their apparent disinclination to do so.  -Douglas Adams

Learn from the mistakes of others. You can’t live long enough to make them all yourself.  -Eleanor Roosevelt

Remember, if you ever need a helping hand, you’ll find one at the end of your arm… As you grow older you will discover that you have two hands. One for helping yourself, the other for helping others.  Audrey Hepburn

What really matters is not just our own winning but helping other people to win, too.  -Fred Rogers

Photo Credit: Flickr user dkuropatwa

The Most Important Thing is the Next Thing

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Posted on 2nd March 2010 by Jade Handy in Book Review |Let's Talk About Language |Persuasion |Selling Language

I believe it was John Stossel who once wrote something like this, “The most important thing is the next thing.”  I’m remembering it as something his late father said or something John said in a memoir at the time of his father’s death.  Tragic.  What I am sure of is that it’s a simple truth that plays in the background constantly.  Always be working on something, towards something or through something.  Not you?  Then, consider the alternative!

Maybe it’s just working on your next blog post, working towards finishing a book you’re reading or working through a recent “life event.”  It could be the mountain you’re climbing over, the partner you’re bonding with or the story you’re putting out.  The speech you’re putting together, the next decision you’re putting into play or the unneccessary meeting you’re putting off.

As if you didn’t notice, this article is really about phrasal verbs.  Phrasal verbs are verb + participle combinations (whether intransitive or not) that describe what you’re thinking or doing.  They are micro-metaphors,also. What are yours saying about you?  I have always thought of them as being relevant to a box, e.g. in, on, around, through, but that may not always be the case.

What I’m doing by throwing a bunch of them out  is searching for which phrasal verbs you use to change.  Ultimately, thoughts are all about whether you’re down or you’re up; going in or coming out; buried under or climbing out.  What are you running from or moving to?  I don’t know the psychological principles behind their use, but I do know that they can be limiting or empowering, stagnant or persuasive.  Most importantly, they can be changed, and changing them can lead to change in your life.  Which phrases do you find yourself using now a days?

Phrasal verbs are used in all kinds of persuasion.  Let’s take sales, for example.  “Buying,” in particular.  Top salespeople use the word “buy” at an astounding rate.  Now, they don’t just say, “buy buy buy buy.”  They are more creative about it - are you buying into what I’m saying here?  Abide by, blow by blow account, by a hair’s breadth, by all accounts, by all appearances, by all means, by a mile, by and by, by and large, by any means…  Need I go on?  I’ve heard all of these and more used naturally in normal conversations by salespeople.  I wonder what happens when we are inundated by phrases like this?

And finally, whether you’re feeling up or you’re feeling down, the most important thing is the next thing.  So get going on it!

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I hope that I may always desire more than I can accomplish.  -Michelangelo

There are two tragedies in life: one is losing one’s heart’s desire, the other is gaining it.  -Friedrich Nietzsche

Books referenced:

NTC’s Dictionary of Phrasal Verbs and other Idiomatic Phrases

NTC’s American Idioms Dictionary

Photo Credit: Picasaweb user nizzlebop

She Seems to be One-Upping Me

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Posted on 1st March 2010 by Jade Handy in Coaching |Persuasion

Everything I say, she’s one-upping me with a bigger better story.  What’s up with this? 

Well, what’s up with this is that if people are listening to your story and searching their life for a comparable experience, then searching for their life comparables must help them put yours in context.  The question you should be asking yourself is ‘how do I utilize this?”

Even though storytelling is touted in many different contexts, most people don’t recognize this fact.  In other words, there’s a lot out there in the world about the importance of storytelling, but not enough to grab most people by the brain and instill in them the importance of using storytelling to create understanding.  And, recognizing that when someone is matching yours for theirs, this is their way of understanding yours. 

Think of it this way, if they told some random story after you told yours, would you see that as an indication that they fully understood what you just said?  Probably not. 

Yet, we are engaging in this, constantly, in order to understand others’ storytelling no matter the level of storytelling – theirs or ours – be it an anecdote, short story, metaphor, analogy…  But, nonetheless few tend to consciously recognize this and utlize it.

When my daughter was younger, just like every other child, she had a unique way of getting attention.  She would say something innocently offensive.  She’d say something to me like, “you have a big nose.”  Or, she would do something like pinch my belly fat.  Obviously, she was adorable saying and doing these things.  Lucky for her!

OK, now, where did your mind go when I told this story?  Did it ever go to your childhood or someone you know?  Did you want to share your story?  If I was a friend standing in front of you, would you?  If so, congratulations, you’re normal.   

One-upping can be used to calibrate whether or not the person you’re communicating with understands.  Take it that way.  And tell a story to explain something. 

Photo credit: http://www.flickr.com/photos/yish/ / CC BY-NC-SA 2.0

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