If this is obvious and second nature to you, this post is not for you.
Get the lay of the land before speaking. Why? Look, again—->
And, because, most of the time, if you don’t, it will be considered unsolicited advice or “your 2 cents worth.” Either way, you might as well not. I wrote an earlier post about merging into others’ conversations. This is very similar, but more utilizes silent observation.
When you’re new to a group of people who have history together previous to your presence, it’s pretty much a guarantee that any strong early assertive interjections will be noticed. Noticed in a way that will rub them wrong. Quite possibly and if your fortunate, they’ll never even elude to it. I don’t know the psychological explanation for this, but people will feel like you haven’t earned the right to try and take control of the situation. Human nature, I guess. Even doctors know that prescription before diagnosis is grounds for malpractice.
On the other hand, IF YOU DO get the lay of the land first, you’ll have a great opportunity to start off on the right foot. Test the water before you jump in. Start tight and then loosen up.
Start tight and loosen up is a concept I remember learning when I was playing poker. This was strictly with friends at house parties, and there was always a good percentage of fairly new faces. Something I read in poker books said to not bid on hands and certainly to not go “all in” until several hands, maybe even several games. Another strategy playing into this was playing the odds. Meaning, don’t go for the bluff, don’t try to stake a claim early, play safe have rooted in statistical possibilities. This is called “playing tight aggressive.”
The more quickly you can develop a reputation for playing tight, the more likely you’ll have your way with them when you do have a hand worth something. Bluffing will come more smooth, as well. When they see you making big moves, they’ll take notice and figure you must have something going for yourself. The change in your strategy will get attention. When you have their attention the first few times, make it work for you and you’ll add to your already established reputation in an advantageous way.
Whether playing poker or participating in a team event, work orientation, longer sales cycle-type sales, leadership advisory meeting, lay low for a while until you have a reputation for “when in Rome, you’re a Roman.” After you have this established, then, and only then, play a hand that is a dead ringer.
Photo credit: Flickr – FRICTION NYC
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