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Be The Canvas

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Posted on 26th February 2010 by Jade Handy in Peak Performance |Persuasion

Previously, I talked about not implementing advice and how some advice-givers get mad at you for not implementing.  This is a “push” perspective.  And, ultimately, a person convinced against his will is of the same opinion still.  Maybe I Tweeted it (@jadehandy)?  I don’t recall.  Anyways.

From a “pull” perspective, “Be the Canvas.” 

On occasion, I’ll have friends ask for coaching.  I love helping friends.  They see it as a smorgasbord.  I see it as being roadkill.  And, kind of like ’why buy the milk when you can get the cow for free.’  Doesn’t make a lot of sense, doesn’t it.

The main ingredient for failure in this arrangement of providing professional services for free is committment, you see.  When a paying customer pays up front, they are committed to get “their money’s worth.”  And, committment begets committment.  The financial committment lends itself to spreading the gospel, afterwards, as well.  Also, a paying customer searches me out for the results they want and the results I have shown I can produce, by referral.

When I’M GETTING “free” advice that I’ve somehow earned from a professional, I make sure they know I’m fully committed to the work we’ll be doing together.  Like a canvas (as corny as it sounds,) I just sit there and take in whatever they deem necessary.  The person is helping me only out of their desire to see me be the result of their work.  Seeing their work come to life on the canvas of my life (again, gag moment) is what drives them.  Contribution to another human being without an expectation of return, mastering the precision of the brush strokes, and the autonomy to choose the paints and colors is the drive deep inside them. I never forget this and I certainly don’t interrupt this.

I, personally, when in the role of ”grasshopper, make damn sure I listen intently, put suggestions into action on the schedule he lays out, and show initiative on top of it.  I understand he’s not going to do the work for me, he’s just going to make suggestions and see if I implement them before he releases more gems that will save me loads of time, money and get me to my goals faster than I could than if I continued to attempt on my own.

What we’re basically talking about here is reciprocation and initiative.  Go ahead, ask for help, but make damn sure you’re as committed as if you were paying with your last dollar.  ‘Cause this is what they’ll be expecting in return for their time.
 
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“We make a living by what we get, we make a life by what we give.”  -Winston Churchill
 
Photo Credit: Flickr & Rickydavid

Constantly Casting a Net

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Posted on 25th February 2010 by Jade Handy in Coaching |Peak Performance

A fellow Toastmaster asked me the other day, “How do you come up with your topics? Your topic selection seems random, but very interesting”  I said, “Well, I read the job description in the Toastmaster’s manual, then use whatever comes to mind.”  “Really?” she said, as if that couldn’t possibly be all there is to it.  I said, “well, I’m constantly reading about different things, so I constantly have new ideas floating around in my head.”  “Oh,” she said.  Then I added that sometimes I’m already working on a project for something outside of Toastmasters and I just mold that to whatever the project requires.”  But, it’s not like I have 7,500+ Speech Topics.

If you’re constantly reading,  talking about and doing new and exciting things, you’ll have something to talk about.

It works like this.  Have you ever bought a automobile, and suddenly now your noticing all the exact duplicates out on the road?  Where were they before?  They were there, you just never noticed them.  But, now that you have that automobile, you are searching for them and possibly comparing the features and condition against yours.

This same things happens with ideas.  Earlier I blogged about things that come in 3′s.  Constantly casting a net for ideas that match what you’re focused on is how I get to 3. 

For example, when I blogged about What Every Presenter Should Know…, I noticed later the day I posted that that someone did those things and wasn’t even a professional presenter, yet.  In comparing Star Trek to Star Wars, he talked in depth about one, talked briefly about the one he didn’t like, then went on to finish with the one he likes better.  Pretty cool when you start noticing these things.

When you are contantly interested in learning new things, starting now, you will notice that it’s just because they are top of mind that you’re noticing them.

Advertisers and marketers of all sorts know that if they keep their name in your face, when you need what they do, they’ll come to mind first and foremost.  Doing this constantly, you’ll notice how it just becomes habit.

Photo Credit: Sameer Karmarkar on Flickr

Trainer, Consultant, or Facilitator?

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Posted on 24th February 2010 by Jade Handy in Peak Performance

Trainer, consultant or facilitator?

This Pretty Much Sorts It Out.  Great Slideshare presentation by Doug Caldwell!

Reframing Random Acts of Kindness

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Posted on 23rd February 2010 by Jade Handy in Let's Talk About Language |Persuasion |Selling Language

Opportunities for random acts of kindness abound.  Several times in my adult life, I’ve been talking to an elderly lady or gentleman.  When we get to talking it’s always a learning exprience.  The wisdom just flows.  On occasion, something will come up in conversation that has a long-term payoff, whether tangible or intangible.  I then project whatever we’re talking about into the future.  e.g. “20 years from now, this X will still be a benefit to you.  And you’ll look back on today as the start of it all.” 

Invariably, they’ll respond, ”I don’t think I’ll be around 20 years from now.”  to which I softly retort, “Well, maybe you won’t, but you’ve been wrong before.”  They have no choice but to reply, “That’s true.”  Why do I do this?  Because I wish the best for them.  In this day and age, people regularly live well into 100 years of age. 

You may now be wondering, ‘but, Jade, why do you say, ”Well, you’ve been wrong before.”‘ Because it reframes their belief about what’s possible for themselves, even if for a moment.  Will this in and of itself allow them to live longer?  Don’t know, but it’s worth a shot, right?  Most likely, I’ll never see them, again, but whatever.

Another reason I say those words, in particular, is it’s nearly impossible to not answer, “that’s true.”  “That’s true” is, in effect, a “yes.”  Getting “yes” reponses are a worthwhile adventure.  So, it’s good to practice them, eh?

Just recently (but not only recently,) I walked into an elevator.  A complete (not even partial) stranger says, “It’s too cold.”  It was below zero, after all.  In sum, that is an accurate assessment.  But, being the angel on the shoulder that I am, I came back with, “Actually, it’s nice weather [pause] if you’re a polar bear!”  To which she wittily snapped, “Or a penguin!”  I laughed, she laughed, we laughed.  I told her I liked hers better.  What a great witty sense of humor.  Then, for full disclosure, I added I was totally stealing that (which I have now done as a result of this post.)

Make it a game to put a smile on someone’s face.  It’s great. practice. and great fun!

Photo Credit: daskar on Flickr

Even a 2 Year Old Can Do It

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Posted on 19th February 2010 by Jade Handy in Let's Talk About Language |Objection Strategies |Persuasion |Selling Language

Getting someone to take action is the thing we all strive for. 

Have you ever noticed that getting someone to agree to something is easier immediately after you’ve motivated them to do something?  Have you ever gotten to the point where you realize your children own you this way?  I’m there.

For example, when my child was at the ripe young age of 2, she often would come into the master bedroom and wake me up.  This was usually just as early as she was in her lifespam…early!  One time, but no the only time, I wake up to her demanding breakfast.  Normally, I would act dumb and not understand what she was saying.  “I want bekfet!”  I should have told her to say it clearly or she’s not getting it. ;-)   After some resistance, she changed course.  She says, “Get dressed.”  In my pajamas, already, I said, “I am dressed!” 

When you get someone into the state that you want them, attach it to what you want them to do. 

That’s the point I knew she had me.  See, She knows I have an innate desire to keep her alive and kicking by keeping her fed.  She knows I have my pajamas on because she has already tried her best to rip the covers off the bed.  She knows that if she can get me to agree out loud that I’m already dressed, therefore able to walk into the kitchen with dignity, that she can throw out the clincher.  “I am dressed!”  To which she unhesitatingly brings closure, “Then get up.” 

And, there you have it.  The “If – Then” assumption.  This leads to that.  If we’d satisfied this, then that is presupposed.”  I have a feeling she would have said “then get up” even if I had defended myself differently.  It’s really the ultimate trap.  No matter what I would have said after her set up, she could have pulled that one out. 

When you meet with someone and you want them to start off where they left off when you set the appointment in the first place, say “What was the reason you agreed to meet with me when we talked the other day?”  This does more than just help them live up to their committments, it also sets up the presupposition that if you can convince them that you’ve fulfilled that need, whatever it is, they should go to the next step that you set up. 

Sometimes one thing can lead to another, though.

“If you say you are 100% purest, then you are a raciest, if you say your not a a raciest then you are a hypocrite, if then you say your not a hypocrite then you must be lieing”
-Anonymous quote off the web

Photo credit:  petrichor

What do you want to do? I don't know what do you want to do? I don't know what do you want to do?

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Posted on 18th February 2010 by Jade Handy in Coaching |Let's Talk About Language |Persuasion |Selling Language

My wife and her friends’ conversations.  Nothing personal, but that’s just not going to cut it in the business world.  The problem is that this type of conversation happens too often in the business world. 

@Jerry Hocutt calls these types of interactions, Thumb Twidding. Coincidentally, I was just thinking on Thursday that I should blog about this type of communicating.

This is OK for non-essential personal conversation, but not for business productivity interactions.  It’s imperative that when a customer asks for your opinion, you give it to them.  They need it.  You’ll know they need your advice because they say “What do you recommend?” “What would you do?” “What’s your opinion?”  When you hear things like this, pretend I’m whispering in your ear, “This is where you come in.” (this is where the picture comes in)  Close by saying, “I recommend you buy this model.” Or, “I would buy this one if I were you.”

Other times, customers will want to make up their minds themselves after they have asked you feature-advantage-benefit and comparison types of questions.  If they aren’t asking for your advice, be hesitant in giving it.  Especially if you hear a customer saying things like, “I’ll have to decide for myself,”  “I’ll consider that,” “me, me, me” ”I, I, I.”  With this customer, close by saying “It’s up to you, but I would buy this model.”  And, base your recommendation on their observable actions and comments regarding that particular model, not what product you want to move off the floor.

Get the lay of the land, pay attention to your customer, so you’ll know which close to use. 

Photo Credit: Nicholas Gray on Flickr

What questions should I be asking?

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Posted on 17th February 2010 by Jade Handy in Objection Strategies |Persuasion |Selling Language

When someone has asked this question, chances are, they feel in the dark about whatever you are talking about.  Insurance, automotive repair, HVAC,  law, and medicine are just some of the situations where this might come up.  Living in the information age, I have a feeling we’ll hear this more and more as time comes.

Very few people are noticing this, but I’ve found this question to be the most newly asked question of the last several years.  And, it’s a great one. 

Spurred by lack of trust and experiences of the I-won’t-let-that-happen-again variety, people are trying to hedge against unknowns.  Believe it or not, some people won’t tell you everything you absolutely need to know.  Like for example, “You don’t actually need this extra gadget, but it improves my point-of-sale numbers.” 

On the flip side, if you provide everything they need to know so the customer doesn’t have to ask, then you have a lot better chance of locking in a return customer. 

People intuitively know when you’re not fully disclosing everything they need to know.  They can feel it in their gut.  Set their mind (and their gut) at ease by talking about all of the things that typically come up or need to be discussed in order for a good decision to happen. Make a list of all the questions prospects ask on a regular basis.  Make sure you hit on each one for each prospect/client.

This list will benefit you for the reasons already discussed and one other one.  You will know what you’ll need to inoculate against.

Photo Credit: 1happysnapper(photography)

Lay of the Land

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Posted on 15th February 2010 by Jade Handy in non-verbals and self control

If this is obvious and second nature to you, this post is not for you.

Get the lay of the land before speaking.  Why?  Look, again—->

And, because, most of the time, if you don’t, it will be considered unsolicited advice or “your 2 cents worth.”  Either way, you might as well not.  I wrote an earlier post about merging into others’ conversations.  This is very similar, but more utilizes silent observation. 

When you’re new to a group of people who have history together previous to your presence, it’s pretty much a guarantee that any strong early assertive interjections will be noticed.  Noticed in a way that will rub them wrong.  Quite possibly and if your fortunate, they’ll never even elude to it.  I don’t know the psychological explanation for this, but people will feel like you haven’t earned the right to try and take control of the situation.  Human nature, I guess.  Even doctors know that prescription before diagnosis is grounds for malpractice.

On the other hand, IF YOU DO get the lay of the land first, you’ll have a great opportunity to start off on the right foot.  Test the water before you jump in.  Start tight and then loosen up.

Start tight and loosen up is a concept I remember learning when I was playing poker.  This was strictly with friends at house parties, and there was always a good percentage of fairly new faces.  Something I read in poker books said to not bid on hands and certainly to not go “all in” until several hands, maybe even several games.  Another strategy playing into this was playing the odds.  Meaning, don’t go for the bluff, don’t try to stake a claim early, play safe have rooted in statistical possibilities.  This is called “playing tight aggressive.”

The more quickly you can develop a reputation for playing tight, the more likely you’ll have your way with them when you do have a hand worth something.  Bluffing will come more smooth, as well.  When they see you making big moves, they’ll take notice and figure you must have something going for yourself.  The change in your strategy will get attention.  When you have their attention the first few times, make it work for you and you’ll add to your already established reputation in an advantageous way.

Whether playing poker or participating in a team event, work orientation, longer sales cycle-type sales, leadership advisory meeting, lay low for a while until you have a reputation for “when in Rome, you’re a Roman.”  After you have this established, then, and only then, play a hand that is a dead ringer.


Photo credit:  Flickr – FRICTION NYC

State of Mind Coaching – How is it Different?

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Posted on 13th February 2010 by Jade Handy in Coaching |Let's Talk About Language |Objection Strategies |Peak Performance |Persuasion |Selling Language |Sports and Athletes |non-verbals and self control

State Of Mind Coaching How Is It Different

View more presentations from Jade Handy.

What Every Presenter Should Know About What They Should be Doing

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Posted on 9th February 2010 by Jade Handy in Let's Talk About Language |Peak Performance |Persuasion |Selling Language |non-verbals and self control

A close friend emailed a link to this to me as an email forward.  I’m sure she had no idea I would be dissecting it!  But I couldn’t help myself.  There’s an old saying that dissecting humor is like dissecting a frog.  You have to kill it in the process!  Luckily, we’re dissecting persuasion, instead!

Jeanne does at least three very powerful things in this video, so, if you haven’t watched it yet, do so now. 

Jeanne, in this video, uses anchoring masterfully.  If you don’t know what anchoring is, think classical conditioning and operant conditioning, or simply think associating one thing to another (in this case, another thing is laughter.)  She anchors her humor both facially and spacially especially well.

Notice, as you watch this now, how she associates so much laughter to her head dropping (facially), then utilizes this later to regain the laughter.  Comedians do this non-stop in stand-up and on sitcoms. 

Notice, also, how naturally she uses the stage (spacially) to associate certain feelings to different places on the stage.  At one point, she even mentions what she is doing.  She says she’s going to go back into the kitchen. 

Meanwhile, in between bits of head drops and laughter, she drops the body of the message.  Wrapping the message this way looks natural and subtle.  Maybe it is and maybe it also helps contain and package the information for her audience to “get.”

There may be things I’m not even telling you about.  Just to get you to call me.

If you don’t know how your leaders, top salespeople, influencers, and persuaders use (or could use) the same techniques to accomplish their communication goals, CALL ME at 515-205-3100 BEFORE your competition does!

Can I Help You?

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Posted on 9th February 2010 by Jade Handy in Let's Talk About Language |Persuasion |Selling Language |non-verbals and self control

Not likely.  Not on your best day with that line.  Not if you haven’t noticed that the majority of the time you’re getting a “no.”  Especially in a retail environment, if the customer walking in is walking away from you, imagine that you are not their target.  Imagine, if they are briskly walking not in your direction, that they may know what they want and where to find it.

Now, to be fair, I did see an exception to this today at the mall – hey, daddy-daughter time.  The sales clerk followed up immediately after the “no, we’re just looking” with, “Want to try our new spring fling flavor while you look?”  Much to my surprise, the customer broke stride, walked out of her way to sniff it, then walked away.  Not so fast though, I don’t stand here corrected.  Props on her persistence, her lack of a “Do you…” before the “want to…”(creates a command vs. a question) and she paced their objection with “while you look.”  But, and that’s a big but, she still got a “no” to help and, she still did not sell anything to her!

Better: ”Let me know if I can help you, today.” (with a smile) This gets an “okay” response and presupposes “help you buy something” (it`s like a short URL) and sets the time frame, “today.”

Best: Smile when the customer walks in to let them know you’ve noticed them.  Wait until the customer looks in your direction a few times or walks over to you. Then ask if you can help them.

I have, on occasion, come across good retail openers.  More times than not, though, they open badly.  One time, in particular, that I remember well, was when I was shopping for something and the young male sales clerk literally followed me around the store like a stalker.  Clearly, it was sheer misguided naiveté. But, none the less, it was very awkward and uncomfortable. So, I told him, gently, “when you follow me around like that, it makes me uncomfortable and less likely to buy something.”  He apologized, profusely.  I accepted, and showed my acceptance by pretending it never happened while I continued to shop and eventually buy something.

Photo Credit: ewww/CC BY-NC 2.0

Comment on Mark my words

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Posted on 8th February 2010 by Jade Handy in Uncategorized

Jade – Love this post. Do you read Dan Kennedy? If not, you should. His philosophy is that we all are in the marketing business… whether we know it or not. If you own a tanning salon, you are in the business of **marketing** tanning salons. If you own a coaching business, you are in the business of **marketing** coaching businesses.

If embraced, this is a mentality that can completely transform a person’s business.

Not Right Now

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Posted on 4th February 2010 by Jade Handy in Coaching |Let's Talk About Language |Objection Strategies |Peak Performance |Persuasion |Selling Language

Looking back, I used to be intrigued, and frustrated, with people who put me off.  “Call back next week;” “Don’t call me, I’ll call you,” “I’m headed into a meeting, can we do this another time.”  Mostly, I’m talking about cold calls, but not necesarily.  Then, when I do get ahold of them, they can’t see me for two weeks.  Really?  You’re that booked?…I doubt it.

Reading The 4 Hour Workweek by Tim Ferriss, it dawned on me (only because the book was explicit about) that the strategy taught in the book is what these people were practicing.  Some of them even naturally. 

The technique is to practice saying, “no.”  I had heard this when listening to time management tapes, etc.  But, my desire to crammed as much activity into my 24/7 as possible overcame this – that’s time management, right?  Also, I was of the philosphy that, you know, “if you want something done, give it to a busy person.”  And I wanted to be that busy person in order to “earn more responsibility.  Well, I achieved my goal of filling up my time. 

So what happened? I guess I was just ripe to hear the message this time.  You know how things come back into your life at opportune times and if you’re not prepared, you miss the lesson?  And, at other times, you live the phiosophy that luck is preparation meeting opportunity.  And, if you want to be able to act on certain oppportunities, you have to have had cleared up your schedule so that you can take advantage of the opportunity and “seize the day!”

Anyways, practice saying “no” to every request that comes in.  Just for a short period of time, like a few days, at first. “Not right now.”  “I’m really to busy right now”  “I have too much on my plate,” “I’d like to really, but…”

If you are getting this quite often, you can take this as “how not to take it personally.”  It’s easier to understand it, if you’re doing it, as well. 

Photo credit:  Flickr – Mag3737

Third Time's a Charm

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Posted on 3rd February 2010 by Jade Handy in Book Review |Coaching |Peak Performance

Ever notice some things come in 3s.  Example, I have a single friend that waits until an attractive female looks at him 3 times before introducing himself quickly, famous deaths ominously come in 3s, there’s the comedy rule of 3. Personally, I write things down as soon as I have 3 creative thoughts/to-dos/mental notes. If I don’t, I forget the 1st two.  So much for 7 plus or minus 2, huh?

Relevant to this blog, whenever a seemingly new concept comes into my attention 3 times, often in 3 different contexts, I quickly blog about it.  Why?  Because everybody has to have a system, write? 

Example.  Today I was eavesdropping into my colleagues’ conversation.  They were discussing the irresponsibility of person A.  Person B stated that irresponsibility should not be rewarded(no new concepts here.)  But, overhearing this, I instantaneously thought of a recent conversation I had with a friend. I blurted out a metaphor that made everyone eavesdropping erupt in laughter.  That’s when I knew I had to blog about it.  This was incident number 3.

This friend and I were discussing relationship issues related to not assisting in behaviors that you don’t support, for whatever reason or intensity.  He summed it up with a metaphor I had never heard, “Don’t feed the monster.”  Don’t feed the monster.  Genius!  We were ROFL. 

Last but not least, the 1st time I really assimilated the principle of rewarding wanted behavior and ignoring bad behavior was in reading Don’t Shoot the Dog by Karen Pryor. It’s a classic, already, in my mind.  (The pun is intended)

So, read it, heard it, spoke it, BAM, gotta write about it!Photo Credit: Kaptain Kobold

What Are Your Direct Messages Sending?

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Posted on 2nd February 2010 by Jade Handy in Let's Talk About Language |Objection Strategies |Persuasion |Selling Language

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If you’re trying to develop a professional relationship via Direct Messages in Twitter, there’s a few things you should know.  And, BTW, this applies to people who Tweet, as well as people who don’t. The other morning, working with my blog coach, we were talking about offline retweets (better known as referrals,) and how important they are.  This primed my pump for this post, as well as, having recently engaged in some great Twitter openers via the Direct Message feature – here’s how they started:

@MikeWhitaker To @JadeHandy: Love your blog Buddy! The “Compared to What?” entry really made me think. God Bless! Mike W.  

 @Dave_Carpenter to @JadeHandy: Hope my Tweet pace does not bother you. As I read your blog, it suggests we share many interests and philosophies.      
 
@karasmamedia to @JadeHandy: Hey Jade – I took a look-see at your site and your style’s pretty great too! Thanks for touching base!                                                                                                                                                                                                       

Obviously, they reciprocated efforts to get to know me.  Now, being green to Twitter, I don’t necessarily know what’s “the way to tweet,” but I do know what creates a conversation and futhermore, a relationship.  These examples do not:  

@[insert random username] Temme wat inspires u & wat do u do? I blog about Tech @ [insert blog URL] You can also friend me @ [insert Facebook URL]

@[insert random username] Claim gift of my hdcvr bstseller DOUBLE YOUR INCOME DOING WHAT YOU LOVE
  
@[insert random username] Are you 100% Happy With Your Twitter Education? Look…[insert URL]                          
 
  
 
Hat’s off to Tweeple like Mike Whitaker, Dave Carpenter and Kara L Smith!                                            

Photo Credit: Duane Hoffmann / msnbc.com

How to Get Your Ideas Accepted, Easily

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Posted on 1st February 2010 by Jade Handy in Let's Talk About Language |Objection Strategies |Persuasion |Selling Language

Years ago, Earl Nightingale told a story about a farmer greeting strangers.  It was similar, in meaning, to the following story and was told in his Essence of Success program.

It’s a story about a farmer who spots a traveler coming down his gravel road.  As the traveler approaches, the traveler inquires, “What type of people are in the town up ahead?”  “Well,” ponders the farmer, “What type of people did you used to live around?”  The traveler says, “They were lying, cheating, good-for-nothings.”  The farmer looks at the traveler and says, “Well, you’ll find the people up ahead are a bunch of lying, cheating, good-for-nothings.” 

Days later, another stranger come up his lane.  The farmer goes out to meet him where his lane meets the road.  The stranger asks, “Hello sir.  Might fine farm you have here.  What kind of people live in the town up ahead?”  “Well,” ponders the farmer, “What type of people did you used to live around?”  The stranger says, “Well, they are the kindest, most generous and welcoming people I ever did see.”  The farmer looks at the kind stranger and says, “Well, I reckon you’ll find the people up ahead are the kindest, most generous and welcoming people you ever did see.”

People only see what they’re prepared to see. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

This isn’t the first time I have touched on framing/re-framing, but it’s worth repeating a different way.  Fit this concept into the idea of framing your ideas in a story before you bring up the point of the story.  And, better yet, use it in your marketing messages!

Photo Credit: dok1

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