State of Mind Coaching & Training

I suggested to John three times to modify the sales contest so that participants would participate throughout the month, not just at the end of the month.  He doesn’t latch on to my idea.  The guy next to me follows up with ‘hey I think you should do set it up so that throughout the month we can be shooting baskets(part of the contest) in order to keep engaged.”  John says, “That’s a great idea!”  He just said the same thing I did, but somehow John got it that time.

What’s up with that?  Maddening!  Well, what’s up with that is that’s how it works…for some people, so get used to it.  It’s part of their strategy they need in order to be convinced.

I remember my Mom used to do this to me all the time (victim here, right?.) I’d make a spot-on suggestion for her 2-3 times, then she’d call me up and be like, “I was talking to so and so from such and such and they said to do [my idea.]“  “Mom! I’ve been trying to get you to do that for a while now.”  “Yeah, well, I did it and x happened.”  At first I thought it was a parent-child thing, but then I realized it’s a strategy thing.  So, now I do it purposely because I know it’s all going to fall into place as soon as the third party chimes in and steals the show.  Hey, third times a charm.

For you salespeople out there, if you find that a person is partial to this strategy, what position do you want to be in during a multi-competitor proposal process?  Do you want to be first, or do you want to be the party to present after they’ve already heard your solution.

Utilize.

Photo Credit: cookingdiva on Flickr

Try this next time you find yourself being beaten over the head with what could have been done differently.  Respond, “That’s not the point, is it, [person's name].  The point is how are we going to keep this from happening again.”  I got this from Thank You for Arguing, page 3. 

The future is where the gold is.  Think about it.  It’s the only place that something can be done about something.  The past is over.  And, while it’s true “there’s no such thing as the future, the present is all you have,” the present is owned by the person who’s asking the questions.  The person asking the questions is controlling the direction of the conversation (and that, of course, happens in the future.)  

Now, I’ve taken the context out of this advice, but you can use it in just about any context.  You’ve heard your boss use it on you when you were complaining about the new pay plan, right?  Your boss said, “we have a new pay plan this coming year.”  You replied, “Aw shucks, that sucks.”  Your boss retorts, “It may suck, but it’s the new deal. So, how are you going to maximize your performance and hit your objectives this year?”

Or, your spouse may have said, “why did you do X,” or, “the toilet is still not fixed,” or, “if you had taken the other job, we’d have more money today.”  Whatever it is from the past that gets repeated over and over and over, again.  They are stuck in the past, like the person wearing the belt they wore in high school.  None the less, you’ve got to keep yourself out of the rut, yourself.  Don’t ask me how, I just told you.

e.g.  Let’s say you’re going in front of your state legislature at the statehouse to testify on your organization’s behalf.  If you plan on making it persuasive, there are several things you should know before you go.

First, if you’re having to make your case, you’re first going to have to find common ground with who you’re influencing.  What do the legislators and you have in common.? What is constantly gnawing at them?

Second, you’d be remiss to frame them (the legislators) as wanting anything other than the best for their constituents.  Do not put them in a category that neither you nor they would want to be in.  I touched on this in an earlier posting.  Instead of saying something like, “I can’t believe people in this state aren’t interested in furthering the use of virtual schools.”  This will disrespect them.  Not to mention, you’re a “people” in the state as well, and if you aren’t interested, why should they. 

Better; “I can’t tell you how happy I am to be in a state that wants to explore this concept and take a closer look at [pause] it’s benefits.  Because you, like me, want the same things for this state; you, like me, want to see our children fully embrace the technologically-dependent future and be a leader in the workforce they enter and you want their workforce to be in Iowa so that Iowa’s economy can grow and stay at the forefront of technology.” We call that building solid common ground.

This is a much better way to frame agreement.  You want to start with agreement, present the body of your mesage in agreement, and end in agreement with each other.  Think of it not as you’re talking them into your ideas, but your supporting their vision of the future they want, and, in addition, your solution is their only hope.  Your solution is taking advantage of a unique and unprecedented opportunity to be the leader in this area.  Frame it this way because this is what you believe.  This is your expertise - and theirs is to find people like you, because their expertise is not doing what you do, but making decisions about the common ground you first established.

Photo credit: mikemac29

What is micro-metaphoring?  It’s “picture-words” on steroids.  Actually, that’s an example of one.  Imagine you’re a movie producer going in front of studio executives and you have 15 seconds to get to the point.  Are you going to go into an in depth reiteration of the script?  The word on the street is that they are more likely to say something like, “It’s like Days of Thunder meets Dumb and Dumber.  What movie is this?  If you said, “Talladega Nights?” You’re right.  Much more effective, isn’t it.

Here’s a visual example: 

PART ‘WHAT THE HECK IS THAT?’ PART ‘LEMME SEE THAT.’
Another example is a technique called reforming cliché.  Often when I introduce myself, the person will say, “Jack Handey?”  Very funny.  I like to pace and lead in this situation with, ‘Actually, that’s Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey, I’m shallow thoughts by Jade Handy!” Ba Da Bum Ching!  Hard to forget that one.  It always gets a laugh and a look of, “you’re pretty clever.”
 

Any time you can sum up what you’re saying in as few of words as possible, you’re going to be better off.  Ever sum up something your friend has just told you with witty saying, like say, “it’s like the kettle calling the pot black.”  They say, “yeah!”  That’s micro-metaphoring helping you understand something by thinking of something similar.

How does this apply to persuasion?  Notice how often top persuaders around you are speaking with micro-metaphors.  How will you spot them?  Simple, the literal translation is an exaggeration of what’s possible or relevant to what they are saying.  For example, “What I hear you saying is you want to kick around this idea some more before committing.” “Don’t throw the baby out with the bath water.”  “Let’s brainstorm.”  “This is like photocopier meets printing press.” “You can go down with the ship, or you can jump on our life raft.”

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God is a combination of Stalin and Castro.  -Professor Beildelman

President George W. Bush said it best when he uttered, “See, in my line of work you got to keep repeating things over and over and over again for the truth to sink in to kind of catapult the propaganda.”  There’s nobody better qualified to talk about repeating oneself.  OK, maybe President Obama. And Clinton, and…  The truth is, all politicians understand the importance of repetition to get your point across.  Do you really think they have enough original ideas to write a creative speech for each stump on the campaign trail?  Anyone that’s had children know this mantra, as well.  Eat your dinner, eat your dinner, eat your dinner. 

I’ll never forget the second time I attended Richard Bandler and John LaValle’s Persuasion Engineering program in Orlando, FL.  Why the second?  Well, the year before at the same event they hold every February, I was in awe at the ability of John to interact with each participant on a one on one basis giving them answers to their questions on the fly and customized to their unique situation.  When I returned the second year and heard some of the exact same word-for-word responses to questions, I thought, “hey, he said that last year!”  Indeed he did.  And, he said it, again, each of the next seven consecutive visits.  I had an “aha!”  Truth be told, part of me felt duped and the other part of me felt relieved.  Relieve that I got to hear it, again, and relieved that I would not have to expect myself to be that creative.

Then I heard a comedian give a second show.  He did it, also.  Then I saw a street act, and what do you know?  Yep, they did the same thing, again.  Repetition is important for more than just verbal jousting, in an earlier blog I wrote about repetition being the mother of skill in mixed martial arts. 

Anyways, want to learn more?  Greek rhetoric has a whole section on repeaters antistasis, alliteration, anadiplosis, anaphora, antistrophe, chiasmus, commoratio, conduplicatio, diacope, epimone, epistrophe, palilogia, parachesis, ploce, polyptoton, polysyndeton, symploce, epanalepsis, antisthecon, proparalepsis, epanaphora, pereklasis, paradiegesis, antimetabole, paroemion, etc.  Not to mention rhyme and iambic pentameters.  Why list them out?  ‘Cause you should get to know them all.  These really are the building blocks when building a powerful repertoire of persuasion.

I had a friend who did door-to-door in-home sales for most of his working life.  He’d always tell the story about the customer giving him the Oscar after every performance, especially in the rare appointments that he didn’t sell.  Part of what he meant was they tell you what a great job you did, but to him it was about every single night putting on the same song and dance, the same dog & pony show.  Trust me, he didn’t vary a whole lot.  But, I literally saw him go months without missing a single sale!